Primal

Yep. This cavegirl is going primal. Well, there's really all sorts of names for this way of eating, but I like primal best. Basically, it's eating how our ancestors long ago did. This means low carb, yes, but I will be getting plenty of fruits and veggies, just no grains. I've been poring over so much information on this, and it seems to just feel right and it 'clicked' with my brain. I will be eating plenty of animal too. This may turn off some readers and I totally respect that. It is a huge turnaround from the direction I was headed. I'm looking in to buying all grass-fed pastured beef and fowl.

I have read the science. I can point to several blogs that get all sorts of scientifical about the topic. Mark Sisson has a great one that a lot of people read, Mark's Daily Apple. Anyone interested in checking it out should start there. I'm not going to debate on end with anyone or try to 'convert' people. I'm just honestly too lazy for that! But I will be moving this blog to a wordpress blog, and if you want to follow me there, I heartily welcome all of you to check out this crazy chica's adventures! Primal Dawn.

I know this is a big turn off for some, so that's why I decided to move the blog. I don't expect everyone to follow and this is a chance to start over, clean and fresh! My workouts have changed as well. Lots of bodyweight stuff, less cardio. And yes, I've lost some weight, but I know for a fact it's just water weight right now. But changes are happening and I'm loving it. I'm sleeping, for one. Another thing is I seem to have a ton more energy! I was cleaning the house a lot yesterday, and I didn't even pass out on the couch at 8 like I always do, then wake up two or three times during the night. I slept all through the night last night and didn't go to bed til 10:30. I don't need my morning coffee, either. Do I want it out of habit? Sure, and sometimes I'll have a cup (with stevia still, thanks Sie!).

So, that's the latest and the greatest for me. I will still be reading my CR blogs, and as a matter of fact, CR is actually possible with this plan as well. So I'll be focusing on eating right and still counting those calories. What amazes me is that I can eat in the morning and now I don't feel hungry or like I'm battling hunger all day. I just fuel up, then forget about it til the afternoon. I'm not snacking or constantly thinking about my next meal. I feel free from food obsessing. I was honestly eating 5 or 6 times a day with my quasi-veggie-raw approach, and still feeling hungry. Now, I just eat my breakfast and am satisfied for hours on end. Sweet freedom!

If you feel like checking out some of the primal sites, I will be linking to them over at Primal Dawn. I do think that my readers and I have developed a mutual respect, so I'd love to see what you think, even if you disagree! I am not much of a debater, I'll leave that to others, but I will still find your thoughts interesting and worthy, be they cheering me on or shaking head in shame:)

Signing off now....Dawn.

Big Time Changes

Big changes to be announced soon. Will probably lose some of my legions of followers, hehe. All eleven that read regularly:) That's about as much as I want to disclose right now. I'm only 4 days into it and I'm loving what I'm experiencing.

It's a complete 180 from where I was. Sorry to be such a tease....well, no I'm not, really:P

"Running, running, running....

as fast as we can, do you think we'll make it?"- No Doubt

I restarted C25K today, week 2. It was easy. Yep. I pretty much killed it. All 23 minutes of it, ha. I did realize, however, that I need some new running music. I'm getting very bored of my stuff. Any suggestions??? I'm all over the map with music. Metal, pop, dance, rap....it's all good.

We may have people over Saturday. It's not definite yet. A couple, M's bff for years and his wife, and their 3 teen boys. I'm gonna need a lot of food, needless to say. And those boys and dad are not small peeps either. I will be grilling the usual stuff, burgers and dogs or something, and making some sides that I will chow on, some salads and fruits and such.

M and I have a Scrabble tournament for the weekend. We play best 2 out of 3 over the course of the weekend. I beat him down last weekend. Seriously, I scored 127 on one word! He's out for revenge.....

Foodie Goodness for me:
-coffee
-4 spring rolls and mock peanut sauce
-cherry/blueberry smoothie
-1 c pineapple
-that salad from yesterday, it was delish.....apples and walnuts and such.
-Raw curry cantaloupe soup
-avocado and tomato sandwich
-3 light beers

Grand Total=1675

Mmmmm beer:)

That's The Wrong Spinach

That's what I said to M when he returned from the market w/ regular ole spinach. I specified baby spinach. He said that's all they had. Well, I know that's not all they had, but he tried, so we'll let him think that's all they had;) I need need need some green for me smoothies!!! Just a li'l handful to toss in for extra nutrition. So I'll use the tough 'old bird' spinach today, but I'm getting to the store today for some supplies and you bet baby spinach is on that list!

It is HOT here. Like, my thermostat is reading 97 degrees hot. We have AC in our little office room so that's where we've been spending a lot of time. I've barely been keeping up with the dishes. That's how hot it is. No laundry, no cleaning, no nothing. Just keeping cool. So, I've gotten nowhere in my C25K lately. As soon as this breaks, which is supposed to be Friday or Saturday, I'll get back to it. My boxing career is in limbo. I can only go Sat. and Sun., because my little one has to catch the bus and I don't have time to go to class and make it back in time to feed him 'lunch'. I say 'lunch' with quotes because he eats it at 10am. The bus comes shortly after, and they don't give them lunch. So we do a Lunch Part I (before school) and Part II (after school). So I need to either get my butt out of the house at night....seriously I'm laughing as I read that sentence....or resign myself to two days a week boxing. Lame. But, I am aware that if I really want this, I need to make it happen, even if that means getting out of the house to work out at 5 at night. *Sigh*...... Why can't things just be easy??? Oh, I guess then I wouldn't want them as much then, would I?

So, food o' the day is going to look a little something like:

-coffee
-4 raw spring rolls and mock peanut sauce
-smoothie #1: Cherry/blueberry/water
-Raw gazpacho
-1c pineapple
-Smoothie #2:Mango/peach/vanilla hemp/water
-Salad from a recipe book: It's got baby greens, apples, walnuts, and an orange poppy seed dressing....I'll keep ya posted on this one.

Total Tally-1599

We'll see if I can actually eat all of this. With the heat, though, my appetite is hit or miss. I'm thinking since most of the stuff is cold, I can do it.

So, that's it for this girl, how u be???

4th

My 4th was actually fun. We aren't big celebrators here. For one, I grew up with the fun of fireworks in the driveway at home. We bought a big family pack of fireworks and after dinner would go and light up the night. Good memories. Except for sparklers. I was terrified of them. However, here in NY, it's illegal, so my kids won't have that experience. And I hate the beach, which is where one spends the 4th out here in my area. You just do. Or, at least everyone else does. But we don't. Usually. I say usually because yesterday we actually hit the beach. We live about 2 and a half minutes from the beach and never go. A friend was going and invited us along. This friend is moving very soon to Texas and I's gonna miss her terribly. But it's good for her family. I didn't have my older boy, just the little man. It was his first time at the beach. He was having a great time til Daddy took him to the actual water. Then he freaked:) Oh well, I guess when you're only up to most adult's knees, the waves and sounds can be a little overwhelming. But he had a blast playing with his new sand toys and going on the little playground. And neither he nor I burned. We're both very fair, him especially, and we had an umbrella and lots of SPF 50:) So it was a success.

I didn't CR yesterday. I haven't even punched the numbers in the 'meter' yet. I'll try to, just so I have an attempt at accuracy. I can tell you I had plenty of red meat and alcohol. And honestly, the hot dog and burger I had weren't even that good. I could have lived without them. Well, what I should have done is made some spectacular dish to bring along. Wowed them with my healthy culinary skills. But after getting everyone ready and the car packed and shopping for an umbrella at 8 in the morning.....I was done. I was ordered...er, asked....to bring the fruit. So that was a plus. Fresh watermelon and pineapple. Then we left before it was even eaten! Ha. But I didn't touch the mayo-and-sugar-laden potato and macaroni salad. So, could it have been better? Sure. But it also could have been worse. I'll take it.

Today is back to the CR grind. We are in the midst of a heat wave here on the east coast. It was 97 yesterday and supposed to be hotter today. So lots of water and fresh cold fruits and veggies for us. Curious? Wanna know what I'll be consuming? Huh? Huh? I thought soo....

-Coffee (should have made iced)
-4 raw spring rolls with mock peanut sauce (loving these)
-1 c watermelon
-Smoothie: Frozen cherries, blueberries, water
-Jerusalem salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-MF mushroom lover's veggie burger, whole grain bun, 'special sauce'
-Raw gazpacho
-Panzanella....this is a delish italian bread and tomato salad. It's got a vinaigrette, olives, and some parmesan cheese shavings....mmmm. Oh, and basil. Lots of basil.

Grand Total=1678

Aiming Low

Yesterday I wrote about "aiming low". Well I aimed low alright. Low on the nutritional spectrum! Seriously, it's like I wrote everything out, plugged it into the CRON-o-meter, then just forgot it all and pigged out! I won't rehash the gory details, do I really need to? Nah. Just know I came in WELL over my 1700 calorie target. And there were cookies involved. Need I say more?

But do you want to know what I did? I went back into the CRON-o-meter and plugged every last bite into the program. Yep. If I want to track my calories properly and look at the averages and such, I need to be 100% honest, right? Right.

So today is a new day and a chance to start over. I had my coffee and one smoothie already. A yummy concoction of frozen cherries and frozen blueberries w/ a little water. Mmmm. And I have all the rest of my nutritious food planned. I also have the will and drive to stick to it today!

I have 4 boys at the house today. My two and two friends of my son's. It's a little crazy, you could say. They are upstairs, downstairs, outside, screaming and yelling. I had a nice easy day planned but that went out the window, to say the least. Their mother was having some issues today and needed help desperately. So I told her no problem. Even though the last time her younger boy was here (he was tagging along with his big brother) he threw a rock at his brother's head:( I'm hoping we can avoid any tears or injuries today.

So, the nom nom nomminess for the day:)

-coffee
-2 c watermelon
-smoothie #1: cherry/blueberry/water
-smoothie #2: pineapple/banana/baby spinach/water
-4 raw spring rolls and mock peanut sauce
-baby spinach salad w/ tahini lemon dressiing
-veggie burger, whole grain bun, ketchup and mustard
-raw tabouli
-grilled zucchini and peppers
-3 brazil nuts

Ok, that is honestly a ton of food, right???
The total? 1592- Yep. I still have room, people!!!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Yesterday I ended up switching up the food, again. After my run to the grocery store, I was the proud owner of some highly processed veggie "buffalo wings". Mmmmm. I regret nothing. I did come in alright though, about 100 over at 1800, but still in good shape.

I'll be doing Day 3 of my C25K today. Yes! The whole first week is the same intervals. Then every week after that is a different workout each day. The program only has you running 3 days a week. Which is great, cuz that leaves plenty of time for.....boxing!! I'm happy to report, we are a go for Sat and Sun boxing. Yay.

I don't have much inspirational or clever things to say today, so I'll just get to the food:

-coffee
-3 raw spring roll and mock peanut sauce
-jerusalem salad w/ tahini lemon salad
-2 c watermelon
-bean and kale minestra w/ 2 slices sourdough
-Smoothie o' the day: Frozen cherries, blueberries, and water....

I found some yummy frozen cherries and mango chunks at the market. I was probably more excited than anyone should really be over fruit:)

Total= 1520

And again, I'm aiming low, but I'll probably add a brazil nut or two or something....stay tuned.

Reworked Food for June 30, 2010

Okay, after much poring over cookbooks and calculating and consulting the CRON-o-meter, I have a new and majorly delicious food o' the day!! Try not to be too jealous:P

-3 raw spring rolls w/ mock peanut sauce (Jennifer Cornbleet's book)
-Jerusalem salad (cucumber and tomato and onion) w/ tahini lemon dressing
-Cucumbers w/ mint (Cornbleet)
-Green smoothie (pineapple, banana, kale, lime juice)
-Bean and Kale Minestra from my old Moosewood book
-1 large slice sourdough (for soup)
-2 c watermelon
-coffee

Total= 1696

Yeah baby!!! Summer time and the eatin's easy.....

C25K Progresses

Week 1, Day 2 of the C25K looks exactly like day one. It's intervals: walking 90 seconds, running 60 seconds, repeat for 20 minutes. I have to say, yesterday was easy. But I want to start from the beginning and start easy so I don't burn out. I think when you're starting out it's better to stop on a high note, even feeling like, "Oh, I sooo could have gone another ten minutes." That way you feel like a success. Then once you get a little better and in shape, let it rip!

Yesterday I had some last minute substitutions. Instead of the hummus wrap I've been eating every single day now, I had some pasta salad I made. It didn't have much oil in it and it had lots of veggies. And I had some ice cream late last night:( My little one got up 4 times last night. I think he was having a nightmare. Well, whatever it was, it left me up and roaming the kitchen at 2am. But I did adjust the calories this morning, and I was over 200. Still under 2000, and I did work out yesterday, so I'll take it and move on.

I'm once again feeling bored with my food. I am going to write out my 'possible' food for the day. I have it all written out, but I'm thinking I may go back through my cookbooks and tweak it. I'm just seeing the same stuff over and over on repeat!

Intake:
-Coffee
-2 c watermelon
-Gazpacho
-Peach/Blueberry/Hemp/Almond Milk smoothie
-Hummus wrap w/ tomato
-Minted zucchini
-Romaine salad with cuke, peppers, reduced fat feta, and creamy cucumber dressing
-3 Brazil nuts

Total as is= 1602

C25K Baby!!!

I did it. I got off my heiney and started the C25K again. I'm on Week One, Day One and I felt sooo damn good. I was worried about my breathing a bit, but I was downstairs in the cooler air and had no problems. I think the sweat and activity may actually help me move the lung cheese out. I did skip boxing, b/c I thought it would be overdoing it.

But either way, I did it! Go me!

Sorry

Yes, I'm apologizing. I don't want this blog to turn in to a downer of an experience. It's ok to write about disappointments and feelings and such, I just feel like it's been on the depressing side lately. That said, I am aware and will try to lift it up a little. What can I say? That's been where my head's at recently. I want this blog to help others, and sharing my trials and tribulations can help, but I doubt how I've felt lately could help anyone....So, moving forward.

My lungs seem to feel slightly better this morning. I think. It's a little early, so I can't really tell yet.

I wanna go boxing so much, but I don't think it's smart for a few reasons, one being the lung gak, and two being this oppressive muggy heat. *Sigh*....it better be a go for Saturday, I'll say that much!! Grrrr.

Food. Hmmmm. Let's ponder the edibles. I can already hear my veggie and vegan friends' shocked outcries on this one, but I make no apologies: I picked up some bologna for the boys yesterday. They eat this crap probably twice a year. And make no mistake, I do think of it as crap, ha. But that being said, I bought it for the boys, and yet I had two slices on whole grain bread!!! Aaaaaah! I haven't had it in forever. The taste was 'meh'. I could have lived my life without it. BUT....those extra calories I had left yesterday disappeared as fast as you can say "Oscar Meyer". I can assure you the rest of my food yesterday was angelic, full of veggie and fruit goodness, and raw! So we'll call it a draw:) We all pigged out on ice cold watermelon after dinner last night. So darn good! There's just something about this muggy heat and chowing down on a watermelon:) It makes me smile.

The vanilla hemp protein powder is much better than the dark chocolate. There was a change of plans in yesterday's smoothie. The mango was not looking so good (poor thing), so I replaced it with frozen banana. I always take my overripe bananas and throw them in the freezer. Perfect for smoothies and they don't go to waste. However I discovered that using frozen peaches AND frozen bananas makes for a very very thick smoothie. Me no like. I like to have a slightly runny, straw-friendly smoothie. So in addition to the cup of almond milk, I had to throw in some water to get it all mixed up right. It was about three regular-sized glasses full! I was filled to the gills after that smoothie.

On to the raw carrot ginger soup. The original recipe calls for a 1/2 c of macadamia nuts. A problem on two levels: it also had avocado in it and I didn't care for the fat content, and I didn't have any macadamias. So I left them out and just used the avocado for body and creaminess. The recipe also calls for a large chunk of fresh ginger. I chopped it up and threw it in, but it just didn't blend in well, and when I was eating it I kept having to pick out chunks of ginger. The flavor of the chunks would overpower the whole soup. I think just for texture's sake, next time I'll use powdered ginger. Just my opinion.

The raw tabouli is a favorite, especially on summer days. It's got tons of lightness from all the parsley and mint, and the tomatoes are delish with the dressing of just a little olive oil and lemon juice. I had this after dinner as a snack while watching Lie To Me, and it had been chilling all day.

Oh, and I've rediscovered my inner gamer-chick! It was so hot yesterday that I ran for cover in the air-conditioned office with my boys in tow. Well, I have a game that M got me ages ago that I never played. So I popped that bad boy in and we were off for a good hour and a half. I'm into the fantasy type role-playing-games (RPGs) and this didn't disappoint. It's supposed to be in the 90s here again today. I plan on dodging the heat this way again:)

What I'll be digesting today:

-Coffee a la me
-2 c watermelon
-Minted zucchini (raw)
-Banana/peach/almond milk/vanilla hemp smoothie
-Hummus wrap with tomato and cucumber
-Carrot Ginger soup (raw)
-2 Brazil nuts

Total= 1591, a little short again, but don't worry about me, I'll find a way.....:)

Mostly Rawkin' Today:)

Yep. A lot of my food is raw today. It's really really hot and muggy here, and the thought of cooking is just gross.

I still have something funky in my lungs. I am ok for a large part of the day, but then there are random times where I feel like I've been holding my breath and am almost gasping for air. Not good. I told M that if it doesn't improve today, I'll visit my friend at the urgent care clinic. I probably need an inhaler or something. All of this is thwarting my efforts to exercise. I am feeling a little panicky already at the whole 'not being able to breath right' thing, and working out would just exacerbate that. So it's on the back burner for now. However, I do know for a fact that one can still lose weight with CR and no exercise. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize!

Ag's inspired me to think about running again. I used the Couch to 5K program with good results. I was never a runner. The only time you'd catch me running is if Godzilla were on the rampage or something. But this program eases you into it. I liked it. I like what she had to say about running clearing the head space. I need that. I've been such a bitch lately. I bet my meds are off. Yep, the crazy meds must not be working...yeah, that's it.

Yesterday was horrible for me mentally. I actually broke down and started crying over CR and exercise. I am just not seeing the results I want as quickly as I want, and I was just overwhelmed with writing everything and counting everything and just being overly consumed/obsessed with it. Like, I don't feel like I'll ever be able to just relax and enjoy food anymore. Food has become almost automatic, a necessary evil. I haven't even been enjoying eating lately. I just shovel it in while on the computer or something, in a fog. I count my calories, get my nutrition, and beyond that food gives nothing. I used to loooove eating. I'm feeling robbed. Poor M didn't know what to do or say, but he hugged me so that was good. We came to the conclusion that we are drinking too much and maybe only drinking every third weekend might help shed some pounds. SO...that's the next tactic. Something's gotta give, right?

So, in protest of unaware automatic eating, I'm actually making a few new recipes today. See if I can't wake up my taste buds a little:) They could sure use it.

Food....Meh.

-coffee a la the usual way
-peach/mango/hemp protein/almond milk smoothie
-2c watermelon
-hummus wrap with grilled zucchini
-Carrot Ginger Soup (from Idiot's Guide to Eating Raw)
-Raw Tabouli (Jennifer Cornbleet's Raw Food Made Easy)
-Minted Zucchini (from Kristen Suzanne's Easy Raw Vegan Sides and Snacks)

All this veggie goodness equals 1523 calories.

I went to one of the health food stores near us yesterday and picked up brazil nuts (holy expensive Batman!!!) and some hemp protein shake mix, vanilla flavor. I didn't care for the dark chocolate variety of this hemp protein, but maybe the vanilla will mix better with my fruit.

Again, the calories are a little low, but I honestly couldn't figure out what else to eat! I was wandering through the kitchen in a daze, looking for stuff....so maybe later the light will come on!

More Veggie Burgers

Seems like I'm eating a lot of these guys. These Morningstar Farms Grillers Prime. I usually have a different dinner from my family, and these burgers are just easy to throw on the grill next to the regular burgers, or nuke in the microwave when I've made something else for them. I like them a lot.

I got so irrationally pissed at M last night. First of all, let me say he is thin and healthy, no weight problem whatsoever. Well, he eats like a frickin' pig! Last night, I made salmon fillets with sauteed swiss chard with pine nuts and feta cheese on it. Both sauteed in olive oil. Well he ate two fillets and a nice portion of the chard. Then he had ice cream. Then he goes back and has the last fillet of salmon! And he's always finishing what's left on the boys' plates. Oh, and for breakfast yesterday? Two eggs scrambled with bacon and cheese on a flour tortilla! He works out 4 days a week compared to my 5 or 6. I was so annoyed and I told him. His answer? "Well, I guess I just have faster metabolism!" I was really peeved, let me tell you. I sit here and parcel every damn calorie that goes past these lips and lose 1 pound a week when I'm angelic with the diet, which to be honest, I go over around 100-200 calories a few times a week. But still, with CR, that wouldn't cause me to gain! It just makes me not lose. I was having a seriously "why me" moment last night. A pity party. Oh, and I just LOVE when he gives me advice on eating or exercising:) I'm like, "Please." So, that's my random vent for the day, moving on.....

Foodie Goodness:

-coffee (half and half and stevia)
-2 c cantaloupe (always by itself)
-hummus wrap
-peach/mango smoothie (no almond milk today, just water and ice)
-leaf lettuce/tomato/cuke/pepper salad with cucumber dill dressing and 1/4 c reduced fat feta
-1/2 large zucchini, grilled
-veg burger, whole grain bun, ketchup and mustard
-1 rum and coke zero

Total- 1734

I also realized I never told you guys that I do take a multivitamin for nutritional insurance. I can hit around 90-95 of my targets without it some days, but other days not so much. It is just a women's one from GNC. I also take a few other supplements, but I've been really slacking lately, so it hasn't counted. I'll do a post sometime on what I take. I became obsessed with Dr. Amen's Change Your Brain, Change Your Body program, so I went and started taking what he recommended. It's just a lot of pills and my stomach can't handle them unless I've eaten a decent meal. Of course, then you also need to remember to take them, ha.

Lame

I'm feeling something nasty brewing in my lungs. I have very thick hard-to-cough-up mucous and it's making my throat raw from constantly coughing and clearing my throat. I was wheezing last night and took one of my son's albuterol treatments, which helped some. Therefore, I can't box this morning. It would kick my booty. But I still want to try to get in some of the "Shred" today, I'll just take it a little easier. This sucks. It seems like every time I try to get serious and on track (again), something slows me up. I'm still struggling with the idea of actually going boxing, but I honestly think it would be a mistake. But I'm kinda dopey like that! Breathing is a good thing....

Yesterday we signed the boys up for the library reading club. It was crazy! I've never seen so many people in the library. It was a madhouse. They gave us a little packet with a beach ball, and Jackson also got to have ice cream and make a sand art necklace. Then when we got back home, I realized I forgot to sign myself up! Too funny. It's pretty common to forget about yourself when you're a mom, I suppose. Then Jackson proceeded to sit in the big comfy chair and read every single book we got, even the ones to read to Ivan. He's supposed to get a prize after every 50 pages, and read 200 pages to complete the program, and he's already at around 150. Silly boy.

No late night snacks for this girl last night! Woo hoo! I actually went about 150 over my calories yesterday, which is kinda stinky, but nothing compared to the damage I could normally do, so I'm moving on. My sleep is getting better in fits and starts, not steadily, so I think that's helping some with the eating. It's hard to be asleep and eat:) At least for me it is, I don't know about any of you....

The farm was awesome. In addition to our share, they were offering fresh eggs and local honey. We picked up some of the honey. They are actually looking for someone to work the beehives with them, and M did that a few times with his uncle back in the day. So he gave them his number and now he's all excited for doing the beehive thing. We got all sorts of stuff: lettuce, carrots, onions, parsley, zucchini, swiss chard, garlic scapes, and ummm.....I think that's it.

Food for today:

-coffee w/ half and half and stevia
-2 c cantaloupe
-lettuce, cuke, and pepper salad w/ cucumber dill dressing
-blueberry/mango/almond milk smoothie, with a few leaves of chard thrown in
-1 1/2 c grilled zucchini
-hummus wrap
-raw gazpacho
-2 rum and cokes

Total= 1536

It's on the low side, but I want that little extra wiggle room. I seem to overdo it every other day or so, and this is a new tactic. If I leave some room for those extra calories, maybe it will balance out. Give me some space for the spontaneous-ness of life:)

EDIT- Hey I just looked in my handy dandy spreadsheet o' progress, and even though it seems like I'm going up and down with weight, its showing a five pound loss for the last 4 weeks. So...it may be coming off really really really slooooowly, but it's coming off! Also, in randomness, yesterday was my 100th post! Yay!

Last Day of School

It's both the boys' last day of school. Summer break! Except for the fact that Ivan goes back for summer school on July 6. Poor kid. We don't have a lot planned other than the summer reading club. I hate the beach, so I usually don't take the kids. But M might, he likes it. And we'll probably do some stuff like the aquarium or maybe run in to the city for a museum or two.

Yesterday's food went well! I actually re-tweaked it to include my rum and cokes. Two of those bad boys. Yum. Used coke zero, so only had to include the calories in the rum. It was so hot, and I put loads of ice in them. I was still below my 1700 for the day. So that's a success in my book. I am trying to stay positive. Those damn pounds WILL come off! They are not welcome here:)

I was supposed to go boxing both Sat and Sun. However...Sunday is Jackson's last game and trophy day at soccer, so I want to be a good supportive mom and be there. So I'll just be going Saturday. Grrr. But I'll make sure I do some kind of exercise. Yesterday I tried to finish the JM30DS, but it was so hot (even downstairs) that I got halfway through and was soaked like I had worked out for an hour. Disgusting! But I did something, so I'm alright with that. Today I think I'll try it again. I know, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment, ha.

Foodie Goodness for today:

-coffee w/ half and half and stevia
-mango/peach/almond milk smoothie
-2 c raw gazpacho
-quesadilla w/ avocado (whole grain tortilla)
-veggie burger w/ whole grain bun and ketchup and mustard

Total- 1513

It's a little low, but I plan on doing some sort of grilled veggie or salad with dinner from our farm pick up today, and I don't know what we're getting yet, so it's TBD:)

Scorcher

It's supposed to get up to 93F here today. Yep. And as I said a few posts earlier, I just do not function well on any level in high temps like this. I am definitely hanging in the air conditioned office today. I have a computer, tv, and best of all, an XBox 360:) I used to be quite the gamer, but as of the last two years, with school and kids, I haven't played much. It's mostly M and the eldest boy who play. I'm thinking today when the kids are in school is my chance to rediscover this mind-numbing activity!

A friend posted a very angry post on facebook yesterday, but it was sort of ambiguous as to what the heck was going on in her life. I called her to check on her, but she couldn't talk right then. So we made plans to hook up today at her house and she'd explain what was up. The baby will be in school, but Jackson gets home early, so in that space while it's just him and I, we'll go visit. She's got a son who's a few years older than my boy, so they'll play and we'll catch up. But she's studying for a police exam (she's cop in NYC, but applying to move to another state), so I don't want to keep her long.

I am trying to get back on the consistent exercise wagon. I went boxing Tuesday but didn't do anything yesterday. So today I'm going go back to my good ole JM30DS. Level One.....again (or still?). Luckily, my workout room is downstairs so I'll get a little relief from the heat down there. The scale keeps dropping a few, then back up a few....it's getting really tedious, to say the least. But I know why, if I'm truly honest with myself. I do my CR faithfully for probably 4-5 days, then I slack a day or two. It's usually those days when I am in a funk. I had The Epiphany a while ago, and it's made things a little better, but I need to rock the hell out of this if I wanna get somewhere. I have other excuses of course: thyroid problem and meds for that, bipolar meds.....all of that helps me hold on to every little ounce. But I know that if I really get down and do this, it will work, even if it is more slowly than others. So here's to a new day and being as healthy as I can! I will be positive even if I don't feel like it. Fake it til you make it, right?

So, with the heat here today, I wanted to keep the food as light and cool as possible:
-coffee, the usual half and half and stevia
-2 c cantaloupe
-Mango/peach/almond milk smoothie
-2 c raw gazpacho
-pretzels with raw sun-dried tomato pesto from Kristen Suzanne's Raw Entrees cookbook
-Guacamole wrap

Total- 1603, with lots of good fats from the avocado and pesto.

Blah...

That's how I feel today. Not depressed or in a bad mood, just blah. I'm not gonna even post food today cuz I haven't planned it yet, and I'm feeling lazy. I'm getting to where I can kinda estimate how much I can have, because I eat a lot of the same foods in cycles. So with the current cycle, I kinda know where I'm at.

I boxed today for the first time since the whole hospital debacle. It was so damn hard. I seriously felt like puking a few times. I workout in the mornings, so I don't have breakfast before I work out. I've experimented working out with food versus without, and I feel and perform better without food. It's just me. At least if I did puke, it'd just be coffee:) I told the trainer the situation and that I needed to take it easy. He was very understanding, which, if you know anything about trainers, is unusual! It's about 85 degrees here today, and he had the gall to make us workout outside. I was seriously hating him right about that point. Then we got relief and got to go back inside with the air conditioning. I definitely noticed some weakness. Then he ended class with about 10-15 minutes of hardcore ab work. It sucked. And I'm a grunter and yeller. I'm vocal when something is hard. But, it's all good because I'm an apple and that's where I need the most work:) So I thanked him after class! I reminded myself that I pay for this, ha.

Well, I guess that's it for this post. As rambling as it was, it's what's up in my world:) (Could I possibly have used more smiley faces in this post????)

Hot

No, not me. The weather. It's muggy and sticky and disgusting. The kind of weather that causes me to not function properly. We don't 'believe' in AC (well, we believe that it exists, ha, we just don't want to use it a lot), so we only have one small unit for the office room. I haven't used it yet this year, I'm trying to hold out. However, I may cave today. Just a wee bit:)

It's the last week of school for the kids. Ivan starts summer school on July 6th or 9th or something. It will be kind of nice for the summer, having time alone with my older boy. He rarely gets time with me alone. Something for us to look forward to. We are both doing the summer reading club at the library this year. He's done it the past three years, and last year was my first time. It's cool and I can't wait til Ivan can do it. Of course, Jackson didn't wanna do it this year, he complained, so I bribed him with a toy at the end of the summer:) Hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. He's stuck between really taking off with the easier chapter books and still reading the early readers, and I kinda pushed him a little and overwhelmed him I think. So I've taken a step back and let him run the reading show. Even though I know he's capable of the harder books, I don't think he thinks he's ready himself. But he's *this* close!

I had horrible insomnia last night. Don't know why. Just randomness, I guess. However, I did get to see a movie I had never seen before but always wondered about: Rent. It was pretty good. I liked the songs and the story. It was kind of sad. But all "triumph of the spirit"-ey. Then I saw two episodes of Cops. That show is weird. I always feel like I'm eavesdropping on some poor unfortunate soul's worst day ever. I don't think I'd want someone filming my worst day ever.

I'm really itching to get back to boxing. I was supposed to officially start tomorrow, but I have my follow-up appointment with the doctor from the hospital. Sucks. I just wanna box! I feel like it's gonna be just like starting over. Which is really really really unfortunate for me. It's hard as hell. It's been two and a half weeks.

About foodie goodness. We grilled zucchini and peppers on skewers on the grill. I frickin' LOVE that flavor! A little bit of thai marinade on it and it's so damn good! Like, I forgot how yummy grilled zucchini is. I almost sliced it lengthwise, but then I remembered I always have a hard time with that on the grill. So chunky and skewered worked. And I tried a veggie burger I haven't tried before: Morningstar Farms Grillers Prime. I've had various incarnations of this brand, but never this particular one. Pretty tasty. I slapped some blue cheese on it and some ketchup and mustard. Mmmm. I'm also pretty in love with their tomato basil burger. I was, however reading somewhere in blogland about how they process the soy for these bigger brands (if it's not organic) and apparently it's pretty gross and chemical-laden. Maybe Sie will do some of her famous research....hehe. I'm too lazy.

Ok, here's what I'm nom nom nomming today:)

-the usual coffee
-banana/blueberry/almond milk smoothie
-2 c pineapple
-romaine and leftover grilled pepper salad with cucumber dill dressing (again...I know...I'm loving this dressing almost as much as I was loving the lemon tahini dressing...)
-plain yogurt/apple butter/flax seed 'snack'
-2 veggie burgers on whole grain buns with blue cheese and ketchup and mustard
-2 c leftover grilled zucchini:) Yay!

Total Tally=1595

I'm coming into a little extra money, and I just got in touch with my tattoo artist. I'm toying around with maybe....maybe....starting a half sleeve on my right arm! I don't know if I have enough to get it going though. I have lots of ideas: pin ups (I love Bettie Page and that whole retro vibe), something customized for me from Nightmare Before Christmas (I love all things Tim Burton).....decisions, decisions....
I should do a post of my tattoos. I don't know that it would interest anyone, but it would be informative for those wishing to get to know Dawn a little better;) I have 4. The most recent is a pretty big back piece of cascading stars down from the neck to lower mid-back. All in different colors and descending in size. And the most regretted: the stupid Japanese kanji that means 'harmony/peace' on my right bicep. Stupid idea, just got carried away with the trend and thought it was cool. Never do that! I plan on doing a cover over this for the sleeve.

Boy, I had a lot to say today! Have a CRONeriff-i-licious day, peeps!!!

Father's Day!

It's Father's Day and we are celebrating by grilling. I will call my dad (who lives on the west coast), and Mark will call his (who lives in FL). And Jackson will go to his dad's (we got him a shirt and Jack made him a card and picture). But first, the boys will give Mark his gift and card. We got him a practical gift this year. His old leather flipflops are falling apart, so we got him a new pair. Not exactly the most thrilling gift, but he'll like it. I'm going to buy some veggie burgers today, instead of eating regular beef ones. I ate red meat while in the hospital so it's too soon to loosen up. And I'm going to get whole grain buns. I'm going to do my bestest to make my dinner as healthy as possible!

My calories were a little lower for yesterday than planned. My blender was used for making a dressing, and it had oil in it. Well, I put it in the dishwasher (being too lazy to actually hand wash it), and when it came time for my smoothie, I couldn't use it. So I am estimating (I'll fix it in the program later) I'm down another 150 calories. That's fine with me, especially since I haven't been working out.

Today's plan looks something like this:
-coffee w/ half and half and stevia
-banana blueberry smoothie w/ almond milk
-lettuce and sweet pepper salad w/ cucumber dill dressing
-raw zucchini 'noodles' w/ raw marinara
-2 veggie burgers on 2 whole grain buns w/ ketchup and mustard
-BEER!

Total=1746

I'm a little short on potassium and phosphorus today. And I'm thinking of limiting the drinking of alcohol to 2 days a week. Mark has a 3 day weekend, and we can easily drink 3 or 4 nights a week. It's not that healthy, and it takes calories away from real nutritious food I could be having. Food with, say, potassium and phosphorus in it:) Now that I look at it, I think I'll skip the raw marinara and just grill my zucchini....hmmm. I may edit calorie totals later. Stay tuned!

I have trouble sleeping. I am a terrible insomniac. We've tried a lot of things short of sleeping pills, which I don't want to get into doing at all. I usually wake up twice a night and have a hard time going back to sleep. BUT...I slept great last night. I didn't wake up at all! And, call me crazy, but I think it may have something to do with my epiphany about my weight the other night. Like, it put me psychologically in a better place. I am so happy that my thinking process 'went there'...I have that clarity to guide me when I want to eat more than I should. It's comforting in a way. Like my secret weapon! To have something to actually pinpoint. Cool:)

EDIT- I nixed the beer and added two slices of cheese, and removed the marinara...now at 1623.

McVent

I gotta pop on here and say.....

Have you all seen that new McDonald's commercial? The one where the mom walks in the door and apologizes to the sitter for being late, then pulls out two Happy Meals from her purse and tells her kids all lovingly, "These are for you!" The kids go all bonkers, then she collapses in a soft comfy chair and the voice-over says something like, "When I've had one of those days, I make it a Happy Meal night." Wha??? Well, in 30 years you can make it a McTripleBypass night. Disgusting.

I remember the first time I gave Jackson McDonald's. I was all militant with how I fed him. I made all his baby food and prided myself on his big reportoire (sp?) of tastes. He'd eat most veggies no problem, and even dabbled in sushi (cooked) at a young age. Well, I'd just moved across the country after splitting w/ my babydaddy, and we were alone. My sister lived just across the street from my little two bedroom apartment. She came by and was going to McD's and wanted to know if I wanted to come. Well, I took Jackson for his first Happy Meal. He was 2 and a half. I remember being so nervous, but seriously, when I saw the look of joy on his face from those damn nuggets and little plastic toy, I was like, "Wow." I even said to my sister, "So this is why people do this???" But I knew it was only a sometime food. I am very strict with my diet, but I have to admit: my kids eat fast food probably 3 or 4 times a year. As a random treat. They love it, but they also know that it's not good for them and they can't eat too much. And I'm cool with that. I want them to always know moderation in all things. If they choose to become more strict with their diets later on, that's great. But I'm not going to push any extreme on them. They are kids and need to live in this society where birthday parties happen and the ice cream man comes around on hot sunny days:)

No Late Night Noshing

Yep. I even got up at 2 am and went into the kitchen. Then I just grabbed my glass of water and chug-a-lugged half a glass and went back to bed:) Yeah, I know, I pretty much rock! Now to carry this victory to another night....I can do it.

Yesterday's calories had to be adjusted for the 3 beers I had. I just had to cut out a few items, but my numbers still looked great. I accounted for a few more today. It's nice and hot here. Nothing like an ice cold beer when it's hot out. Unfortunately there's also nothing like that beer gut you get from too many:)

My boys are annoying me right now. First, they got up before God, and then were making a bunch of noise. I wanted to crawl under the covers. Now they are just bouncing off the walls. It's gonna be one of those days, I think. I just have to chill out and not let them get to me. Easier said than done some days.

Mark and I had a weird/good talk last night. It's kinda personal, but I think I wanna share in the interest of helping others maybe....we've been not so close since my little one was born. I know the reason but never explained it to him. Well, last night I did. He doesn't realize that I don't feel super sexy or pretty anymore. I have gained about 30 pounds since Ivan was born, and I have really really big ugly scars all over my abdomen, from hip to hip, and a large one on my rear. I got the scars after I had Ivan and got those infections. Now, once I got to thinking about it, I think the reason I am having a hard time losing the weight is because maybe deep down I like it and don't want to lose it because it gives me a cushion against things. Like being overweight will keep Mark away from me and I won't have to deal with feeling weird about my scars. I never thought I'd do something like that, but it makes sense to me. I guess I just had an epiphany last night! I'm just feeling unattractive, so I'm keeping my outside matching my inside. I don't think he really knew what to say, other than he accepts me the way I am now. But still. I don't believe it. Maybe the scars, but my flabby gut??? It didn't look like that before. And I don't want him looking at it ever.....Boy I got issues!!! *sigh* Excuse the random psychological evaluation....

So my food today is delicious and CRON-eriffic:
-coffee, half and half, and stevia
-banana/blueberry smoothie with almond milk
-lettuce/cucumber/tomato salad with cucumber dill dressing
-zucchini pasta with raw marinara
-2 c watermelon
-2 c pineapple
-raw tabouli (no bulghur)
-BEER!!!

Total=1615

CRON-o-meter Baby!!!

I've plugged all my stuff into the good ole CRON-o-meter today for the first time in a while. It was actually hard to think of things to eat after a while. I thought I had it in the bag, then I looked and the calories were only 977! Sheesh...back to the drawing board.

I'm itching to get back to boxing. But I've been banned til next Tuesday. The fiance isn't 'allowing' me to go this weekend, even though I totally could:) I think I've even coerced a friend to come check it out. We used to do karate together, which was really expensive (I actually taught the little guys), so neither of us go anymore. Times are tough, money-wise. But boxing is cheap. And tough. Like me- ha!

I'm detoxifying. I think. I hope. I've gotten good fruits and veggies in this recuperating body of mine. I'm feeling better. The first few days home all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and sleep. But my energy's coming along now.

The farm pick up is today! The highlight of my day. Can't wait. We got a bunch of radishes last week, and no one besides me likes them. Well, last night I cooked them like home fries and they were sooo good! Everyone gobbled them up. That's one of the things I love about our CSA. The kids come along, choose which particular lettuce we get, weigh out the salad mix, and pick out the bunch of radishes we take home. Then it's fun to try to come up with different ways of eating the things we bring home. I really like that they are learning about where food comes from and the idea of eating local, organic food. It makes me a happy mommy:)

So food for the day looks like this:

-Coffee with stevia and half and half
-Smoothie w/ banana, blueberries, and almond milk
-Red leaf lettuce salad w/ tomatoes, cucumber, and homemade raw cucumber dill dressing
-Guacamole wrap (whole wheat wrap, avocado, salsa)
-2 c watermelon
-Raw tabouli (no bulgur wheat)
-Granny smith apple
-Zucchini 'pasta' with raw marinara
-Juice o' the day:carrot, apple, celery, little kale, lemon juice, and ginger

So that's the dealio with me: how are things for you?

EDIT: Total Calories for today= 1692

I'm Off!

I can't really say that, because I'm still technically taking it easy, but it feels good to be on my own now. Mark's back at work and things are getting back to normal. I've got big plans today:) Not really, just doing the grocery shopping that I wasn't up for yesterday. I did a lot of laundry yesterday, because that isn't really a chore that requires a lot from you, ya know? Just go down some stairs, throw some clothes around, and then back up the stairs and relax til the buzzer goes off. Nice and slow and easy. I was chomping at the bit yesterday, but my family all harassed me and my facebook friends harassed me....so I did something I never do: I listened! I took it easy peasy lemon squeezy. I'm glad I did though.

My booboo is really itchy now. I know that's a good thing! Itchy means healing. Unfortunately, itchy also means "drive-me-crazy". Seriously. I want to scratch the hell out of it, but I'm sticking to the very edges. And it doesn't look too good, scratching your butt all the time. People start wondering about you. Really.

So I went through my raw cookbooks and picked out about 8 recipes. I'm looking forward to getting going. Yesterday was good, but could have been better. I didn't count any calories (I'll start today), but I had a nice beet juice thingy, a big salad with avocado and a homemade carrot ginger dressing (raw), and then I couldn't come up with something veggie-like and super healthy to make for dinner...so after checking the fridge and the cabinets like a gazillion times, I caved and made a grilled cheese. Granted, it was whole grain bread, but I used butter and regular cheese! *GASP* Oh no she didn't!!! Oh yes she did:)

I've been very slightly toying with the idea of giving up dairy. The thought of never having cheese again is really horrifying though, and the only thing holding me back. I don't really drink milk. I like yogurt and cottage cheese, but I could live without them, and they do have some good soy yogurts. But the cheese is what kills me. I frickin' love love love me some cheese. Although, I have made some raw vegan cheeses and they were good, but nothing to write home about. They say that your tastes change and you learn to like these flavors, but I have a hard time believing that I could ever love raw vegan cheese the way I love regular cheese. I'm just full of cheesy luv. But Kristen at Kristen's Raw had a post recently linking to an article about the horrible abuse of dairy cows. It was really sad to me. I certainly don't want to support that. Baby steps, I think. Baby steps.

Home

I'm home. I got here late afternoon yesterday. But get this....I have been having a little pain on my left side. The side I was laying on constantly because the booboo is on my right side. Well, I thought it was just some muscle cramping/straining from laying on that side all the time. So I got home and decided to check it out in the mirror. There are two red hard spots on that side!!! Just like how the other infection started, only on a much smaller scale. I'm thinking the lymph or something drained downward and caused it. I'm on very strong antibiotics for ten more days. I'm going to watch it very closely and monitor my temp every day. Mark and I are scared. What the hell could be happening in my body???? My bloodwork is coming back fine. I need to find someone who will dig in and find what is going on.

I'm feeling very worn out today. All I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep. Well, I don't actually want to do that, I want to be up and about, doing laundry and mommy-type activities. But everyone is telling me to take it easy, so I'm trying my best to listen. It's hard when you've been lying in a bed rotting for almost a week! The last thing I want to be doing on this gorgeous sunshiny day is lay down.

I'm drinking tons of filtered water. I'm looking through my raw cookbooks and getting some ideas and building a grocery list. Juicing is on the menu as well. I think this is really a time to get a handle on nutrition and give my fragile system the very best. It can only help, right?

Well, that's the latest and the greatest over in my little world. How about you?

The LIght At the End of the Tunnel

It's looking like I'm going to be discharged tomorrow!! Woo-hoo!

The incision and drainage hurt like hell. I mean, like the worst pain in my life. And that was just the numbing part! The rest I didn't feel. So now, I'm not running a temp since I've been soaked in IV antibiotics for 5 days or so. It feels better, still some pain, but nothing like it was before.

So anyways, I'm hoping to get back on track once I get home. I need to find out when I can start exercising again. But the food is completely under my control. I think I may try to detox at home. I had IV contrast for the CAT scan of my abdomen, and I've been sucking down pain meds a lot. So I am going to go for a vegetarian, possibly high-raw diet for a week or so. I actually have a book by Elson Haas on detoxing, and I've done it a few times with pretty decent results. I find I get a horrible headache and need to lay on the couch for a day or two. But then my head clears and I feel better.

I've discovered that Mark and I are psychologically/emotionally attached at the hip. We must have spoken on our cellys every two hours:) He was particularly suffering. He kept saying how much it sucked not having me at home yelling at him or bossing him around and how much he missed me. It was touching, but kind of disturbing how interdependent we are on each other! But he was also doing all the mommy work, and that is tough for any amateur, I believe. He's not a very good multi-tasker, a fundamental skill of mommyhood. But he's a great provider, taking on the cruel outside world to bring home the bacon each week:) We complement each other nicely. We each have what the other lacks. It's awesome!

Jersey Shore

I'm indulging in all those trashy VH1 shows that I used to love when we had cable. Where am I doing this, you may ask? Well, I'm currently in a private room on the 12th floor of Stonybrook University Medical Center:) Yep. My fever came back with a vengeance Wednesday, so we packed up the baby, drove Jackson to his father's, and Mark drove me to the ER of Stonybrook. This is a far better hospital than the one I went to before, I just went there because it's so close to my house.

I'm currently on IV antibiotics and major pain meds. I mean, they take me out. Mark can be visiting and I'm nodding out like a junkie. It sucks. I hate feeling so fuzzy and 'not there'. And so far, I have no idea what plan B is. I'm having serious flashbacks. I'm terrified. I know my body and it loves an infection and will do anything to hang on to it. Last time I was here the fever got up to 105! Everyone was scared. They had to put an electric cooling blanket on me. I'm just picturing more surgery to excise the infected tissue. It's been three days now, and the area is not looking any better. It's even gotten a little more red.

So, here I sit, watching bad tv, eating bad food, and sleeping. That's pretty much the extent of it. I have had no appetite. Food looks really good to me and I want to eat it, but I get one or two bites in me, and it loses its appeal. Which, in terms of healing, is not a good thing. They want me having my fruits and veggies and especially protein. I'm drinking tons of water and diet ginger ale, though. This place is scary for me as far as food/weight goes. This is where I put on about 25 pounds when I spent two months here. I was very lonely, depressed, bored, and bedridden, so eating was one thing that brought pleasure. It was one of the only things to do besides watch tv, and that gets old after a while. At least this time I have my trusty laptop so I can reach out and be social-like:)

I just wanted to update and let everyone (ok, my 9 followers, lol) know what is going on over in my section of the world. Any advice on any topic would be greatly appreciated, and I love reading your comments!

Side-lined

Yep. I've officially been put on the disabled list. It all started when I fell on my stairs here at home on Memorial Day weekend. My socks were all stretched out and loose on my feet, and I just hit the step wrong and my foot slid in the sock and down I went. Hard. I bruise very easily and was not surprised by the 6"x4" bruise on my right cheek. And I don't mean the cheek on my face:) It was huge! Well, fast forward to yesterday. The area was increasingly painful, affecting how I sat and drove and moved. At one point, my little Ivan came up behind me and playfully swatted my rear and brought me to tears it was so painful. Then I felt lethargic and hot, so I took my temp and there it was, 99.6F. Not much, but my history with infection causes me to spook with any fever. Back when I came home from the hospital after my emergency c-section, the site looked great, I felt fine, but started running a low-grade fever. That was the only symptom. And that ended up a nightmare of surgeries and a combined total of two months in isolation at the hospital. SO....with my temp eventually up to 101.4F in a short period of time, I drove myself in to the ER. Mark wanted to come with me, but it was already 7pm, and Ivan's bedtime is 8, so I didn't want to put him through that just so I could have company.

I waited for 2 hours in the stupid waiting room. Luckily I brought my Nintendo DS (pink of course). Played some Final Fantasy. The doctor checked it out and diagnosed it as cellulitis, an infection under the skin. So I was given one major dose of oral antibiotics and sent home with antibiotics and pain meds. I also had to go to the drugstore and pick up something called ichthammal salve, it's a drawing salve to pull the pus or fluid to the surface. Gross. I know. I have to put a hot compress on it for 20 minutes, then put the salve on a gauze pad and tape it to my ass for 6 hours, then wash, rinse, and repeat. I also have to see my doctor for a follow up today. Why it has to be today, I don't know. I would think I could wait a few days. The doc also said that sometimes you may need to be hospitalized and have it taken care of via IV antibiotics and maybe a minor 'procedure'. Ugh. I'm just thinking, great, with my history, this could suck big-time. But I'm trying to stay positive.

I have no plan for food yet today, and I don't know that I'll do it. I just feel all ookey from being up all night from sleeping poorly and just not feeling hungry from these hardcore pain meds.

So send me your bestest fast-healing, feel-good vibes today!!! I need 'em:)

Rest Day, Thank God

Today is my rest day for the week. I asked DF (dear fiance) what I should do. First, he had to pick his jaw up off the floor, as I rarely ask for his advice on how to do something:) Then, he told me to rest today since I was so sore from boxing and will be going again tomorrow. So I'll be working out Wednesday. Probably good ol' JM 30DS (Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred). I tell ya, since I have been boxing, working out at home has been so darn boring! But, alas, I have only two options here: Either go boxing 6 days a week, which will be difficult although not impossible, or supplement my exercise at home *yawn*. I could do more boxing, but there are two days with a certain trainer who I've heard is really old-school and does things that could potentially injure you. He's an older man, and my friend went to college for fitness, and she told me he does some dangerous stuff. So DF wants me nowhere near that class.

I must say, I will thoroughly enjoy my day of rest. I am so sore. My biceps are screaming. We did so much ab work. Yesterday I bent over in the bathroom to put a tissue in the wastebasket, and my lower abs felt like they were cramping up. That's how sore I am. I can't even bend over! It's very funny, and good in a "I-worked-my-ass-off" way, but seriously, I couldn't take more than a day or two of this.

Chow details:
-Avocado wrap (some avo and veggies in a wrap)
-Salad (red leaf lettuce, cucumber, homemade dressing)
-Cheese Pasties (from a Moosewood cookbook, cheese and veggies in a crust like a turnover), only one since they're high in fat even with low fat cheese
-1 c pineapple
-1 c frozen wild blueberries
-1 c organic "farmy" strawberries
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax "snack"
-2 glasses red wine

Total= 1656, and a lot of those calories are from fat today, in the avocado, dressing, and cheese pasties....oh well, the calories are on so I'll take it. But I may try to even it out for the week, and see if I can do a few lower fat days.

Feelin' Groovy....

Feeling good today. Can't explain it. Just a good day.

I went boxing again this morning. I didn't want to go. I'm still so damn sore from yesterday! However, I was following my "just show up" policy, and I'm really glad I did. It was a new trainer for me. The other trainer was on vacation. Tough stuff. Lots and lots of heavy bag work, and I'm going to guess at least 6 or 7 minutes straight of ab work. But that's the area that I need to work on the most. The fiance and I were discussing how I'm pretty much the epitome of apple-shaped. In fact, I don't know if I blogged about this or not, but the woman across the street asked in her broken English, "Baby coming??" I just laughed and said, "No. Just fat." I thought that was just awful. We all know that unless a woman tells you she's preggers, you DO NOT ASK!! It was really awkward. And depressing.....I carry every single extra pound of fat right in my upper abs, so it really does look like I'm expecting. But this is my shape, and I deal with it. I refuse to be one of those women who complains about this body part or that lump. I'm not happy with this body right now, but I don't hate on it. It's given me two babies and is very strong. And it will change. I have to keep the faith and keep on keepin' on.

I haven't discussed weight lately and that's for a reason. The scale hasn't budged. But I know that if I just keep up doing the best CRON I can and kick up the exercise, it will move eventually. I must admit though, it is tough to keep my chin up sometimes. Sometimes I wanna just say, "Screw it, nothing's happening anyway, might as well scarf down some pizza." But I don't, usually. I say usually cuz I'm not perfect, nor do I know anyone who is:) I also suspect that I may be gaining muscle as I lose fat, because I can see that my stomach is down a little. I do tend towards being very strong, even if I don't look "cut". That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Anyways, the food for the day looks like this:
-hummus wrap
-romaine with feta, cucumber and homemade dressing
-turkey sausages on the grill....mmmm
-spinach....haven't figure out how yet, but something with minimal fat
-pineapple
-strawberries (from the farm!!)
-yogurt, apple butter, flax seed "snack"
-2 c watermelon
-Iced green tea with stevia...did I mention it's supposed to be 85 degrees today?
-coffee with half and half and stevia

Total so far: 1486

Edit

Update: I found stevia at the local grocery! So that will bring my calories down a little, which is good, cuz I'm super extra hungry today for some reason. AND...I'm having those rum and cokes with coke Zero, so no extra sugar or calories there either. Ha! I can do this. I see a hummus wrap in my very near future....

Oh Love!!!

As in, OMG shrimp tacos are the bomb diggety! We all inhaled them. They were so fresh and light and yummy. I could see this becoming a habit! They were super quick and easy, the hardest and most time-consuming part was making the pico de gallo and guacamole. Everything came together very fast. And they're pretty CRON-friendly, for a taco.

We hit the farm yesterday. I was obsessed. I was counting down the hours til pick up time. Then, we were waiting for Jackson (older son) to finish his homework, and man, he was takin' forevah! He didn't want to go, so I suspect he was stalling. So we go there, and it is a new greenhouse where we pick up because a few months ago the red barn that was used burned down. And the woman taking payment and in charge of everything had a little girl that was a little younger than Ivan. Her name was Ramona (how cute). Well, they were checking each other out and smiling and being little flirts. He even said in his cute little 3 yr old voice, "Bye bye Wamona!" Anyway, I let Jackson help me with picking the produce. We got a head of red leaf lettuce, spinach, turnips, pea shoots, strawberries, and a couple of garlic scapes. These are the baby garlic I think. They look like a curly scallion kind of. They have a very mild garlic flavor, and I'm actually using them in tonight's dinner, veggie stir-fry over brown rice. Can I just say the farm is the highlight of my week during the season?! How sad is that....*sigh*....

Foodie Goodness:
-Coffee w/ sugar and half and half
-Green tea w/ little sugar (straight up if I can take it)
-Banana/Blueberry smoothie
-Salad w/ red leaf lettuce, cucumber, feta, and homemade dressing (italian type)
-3 cups stir fry veggies, 3 TB teriyaki sauce, 1 c brown rice
-1 c pineapple, 1 c strawberries, 1 c plain organic yogurt blended up into a lovely smoothie
-The guilty pleasure on this smoldering hot day.....2 Rum and Cokes:) (Hey, I added them in!)

Total= 1693

I'm boxing this morning too. I'm looking forward to it, since I pretty much missed last week due to Ivan's presurgical stuff and subsequent surgery. Boxing makes me realize how out of shape I am. I push myself so hard there though. Nothing like going through the motions at home. I'm one of the heaviest girls there, and on the lower end of the stamina/fitness spectrum. I just know that if I just keep showing up, even when I don't 'feel' like it, I'll reap the benefits. But I usually feel like it:)

There is a "Wild Mustang Day" at the local ecology center today. We're thinking of taking the boys. They have baby mustangs and are going to learn why they are disappearing, and they'll do face-painting and stuff. All for free! But that's if we can actually make ourselves get out the door. We're all pretty much homebodies, and all of us going somewhere is a feat of epic proportions. Stay tuned.....

Too Young

I just got some sad news last night. Friends that lived near my ex's house (where I used to live), lost their 19 yr old daughter in a motorcycle accident. They had two girls, and this was the older daughter. She apparently was newly engaged and had just found out she was pregnant. Her fiance was trying to outrun police and lost control of the motorcycle with her on it. I'm still shocked. I can't stop thinking about it. I remember her and her mother coming to see Jackson when he was first brought home from the hospital. She even babysat for us a few times. We always chitchatted with the parents at the bus stop too. It got me thinking about something happening to my boys. You just never know, you know? And that poor younger sister now has to live as an only child after growing up with her sister her whole life. Just so much to take in. I just keep thinking about all these "what if" scenarios in my head. Her fiance survived. Now he has to live with the fact that he killed his bride and unborn child.

So I've been a little distracted this morning and haven't yet worked out my food for the day. I should have done it last night like I usually do, but I wasn't in the mood.

Yesterday was my older son's field day at school. I could only watch the first half, since we had to get back home to put the baby on the bus. Soooo cute. They did all these different stations and had to do various physical activities like crabwalking and freeze tag. He told me the night before that he really wanted me to go (I wasn't planning on going). So I HAD to. How could I deny him? Especially since he lost that tooth and now has that goofy little kid smile that makes me wanna smother him with luvin':) But I digress.....

Today is also the first pick up for the CSA!!!! I am so excited, I can't stand myself. We are all going as a family after school and will be picking the pick-your-own stuff (strawberries, chives, and mint) as well as our regular share. The website says we'll be getting head lettuce, spring mix, some harukei (sp??) turnips, radishes, peas (I think)....yum yum yum....nom nom nommy goodness! I think there's more but I forgot.

I do know what I'm making for dinner tonight. My first attempt at shrimp tacos!! I even made homemade pico de gallo and guacamole:) And I'm sure we'll have a fresh salad made from our organic local lettuce from the farm! Looking forward to it, as is the rest of my family.

He's Fixed!

My little one's surgery was Tuesday morning. As in, the first surgery of the day at a hospital an hour away so we had to get up at 4:30 in the morning!! Ahhhh! But it all went very well. He was only in the operating room for about an hour. First, though, you get to go in while they put them out with the anesthesia (if you want to/can handle it). This is the hardest part for me (unfortunately I've done it a few times). You lay them down on the table. There's the team of surgeons and nurses and such all around with their masks on. You hold his hand and look into his eyes and tell him everything's alright and that you're there so he doesn't start freaking out. Sometimes they even sing a little song to them, like Eensy Weensy Spider. Then they put the little mask over his face and tell him to breath. Then he does, and he starts looking a little spacey. Then the worst part is when his eyes start to close. It honestly looks like he's dying. It's really creepy and you have to be strong not to flip out yourself. I was fine, I've done it. But there was a woman who came out into the waiting area who I assume had just done it, and she lost it. I felt bad for her.

So when I got to recovery he was still asleep. But he started to wake up a little later, and he was soooo good. He didn't cry or anything. There were kids all over the place screaming and crying but not my little man. Then once he was good and awake and holding down apple juice, we got sent up to our room. Then we just vegged and watched a LOT of Nick Jr. He's pulled out IVs before, but he left this one alone, thank goodness. He also had a drain pinned to his gown. Which he also left alone, surprisingly! He gradually started to eat soft stuff like yogurt, but they kept giving him stuff that he doesn't like, like these disgusting fruit cup/parfait gel things that I would never feed my kids, and jello. He was really hungry and kept telling me he was, but they wouldn't let me give him anything else! I was getting irritated. I mean, when I had surgery, they just wait a few hours to make sure you're tolerating the clear/soft stuff, then you can chow down. But I guess since the surgery was on his neck (to close his trach hole), they were concerned with irritation. Well, I started sneaking him some of the stuff I brought just in case. Some whole grain cheesy goldfish, a chocolate pudding, and an orange. He did fine and was very happy! We spent the night, him in blissful sleep in his very own crib, and me on the hard-as-a-rock chair with a leg piece thingy. My back was hurting the next day. We were discharged at about 8:30 yesterday morning. All is well. He doesn't even bother with it. He's got a bunch of steristrips covering the site.

So, onto the diet. Yes. What we are all waiting to hear about. Well....you see.....I haven't counted calories in a while. I kinda lost the flow over the Memorial Day weekend, we were grilling and drinking too much. Then Ivan had the surgery and I had to deal with cafeteria food and just quickly grabbing things when he was asleep. Sure, they offered fresh fruit, yogurt, and salads...but did I eat any of that??? Naaaah. But the scale has not suffered. I feel a little sluggish and bloated, but no worse for the wear. I've started afresh today. And here's the plan:

-Blueberry banana smoothie
-Romaine with tahini dressing
-Borscht w/ a dollop of plain yogurt
-Juice: romaine, apple, carrot, ginger, and lemon
-Green smoothie: apple, banana, spinach
-Pineapple
-3 c frozen stir fry veggies
-1 c brown rice
-1/4 c teriyaki sauce
-2 large eggs
-1 slice american cheese
-1/4 c salsa

TOTAL: 1608

Well, that's the scoop! On to my hectic day with my older son's field day at school:) Oh, and he lost a front tooth while I was gone. He looks sooooo adorable I just wanna kiss and hug him all the time. He won't let me though. Oh well.

Who Ate Last Night???

Not me! I didn't have anything last night:)

It was very hot and humid here yesterday. My fiance took the day off to take Ivan to the doc, so he was home, and we had a good time, playing with the kids and listening to music. The kids love love love The White Stripes. I think because it's very simple beats and melodic. But I have the laptop on shuffle, and every time a White Stripes song would come on, they'd start rocking out. That, and my older boy also loves System of a Down (mom's favorite!).

Food went well, although I pre-made a salad and put it in the fridge, so it would be easy to grab when I was hungry, and I didn't end up eating it. It's all shriveled and sad-looking this morning. I hate wasting food. At least it can go in the compost. I was trying to outsmart myself, because I know how I operate (well, I'm learning), and if hunger strikes, I want something quick, and I know I won't take the time to chop and make a salad or something healthy. I'm going to try this method again today, only I will have to remember to actually eat what I make!

Yesterday was a rest day as far as working out goes, and I felt like I wanted to do something all day. I was like a slug. But I know rest days are important. My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred is on the menu for the next two days. Now that I'm hooked on boxing, the Shred seems sooo tedious. But I will rip through it today and tomorrow, til I can get to the good stuff!

Food For The Day:
-Coffee w/ half and half and sugar
-green tea w/ sugar (gotta get to the health food store and get some stevia!)
-Juicy Goodness: apple, carrot, kale, ginger, and lemon
-Hummus wrap....they didn't have sprouts at the store yesterday:(
-Romaine, tomato, mushroom, cucumber salad w/ thai chili dressing
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax "snack"
-1/2 avocado...mmmmm
-Grilled cheese on whole grain bread grilled dry (no butter)

Tally: 1607

I'm looking at it now, and I think I'll add some fresh fruit. I got some pears, peaches, berries, and of course, my pineapple (I looooove fresh pineapple). So I'm sure I can hit my 1700 mark with that.

Also on the menu for the day- Laundry. O the chills and thrills of SAHM-itude.

Good Morning

Hey Good Morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing.....*sigh* :)

Ok, enough of that. I ate a little last night. But I mean, very little. Like a cup of pasta with a little tomato sauce on it. Not entirely angelic on my part, but trust me when I say this was a success! It didn't even wreck my calories for the day since I hadn't eaten everything on my list. Which could be why I was hungry in the first place, right? AND...it was fairly early. Like not in the wee hours of the night.

Boxing: Killer workout. I love it so much. It's going to become an addiction, I swear. A really weird thing happened though, that's never ever happened. I mean, I used to do karate (I even taught it) and we worked HARD. But this never happened. At a few points during the workout I felt like I wanted to throw up (well, that's happened before) and then I also felt like I was going to break down and cry. Weirdness. I don't know if I have something going on underneath the surface, or I was just giving it my all (which I totally was). I was a little frustrated because I pretty much sucked at a few of the exercises. As in I would do two or three reps then have to stop for a second or two (no longer than that, I wanna keep my heartrate up). It was really surreal feeling like I was gonna have an emotional breakdown. It reminded me of the show Biggest Loser when they push them so hard they have to push through their personal barriers of whatever's holding them back. BTW, did you see the finale???? Wowzers. Back to boxing: All I know is I felt great after, when I was like a chubby, sweaty, limp little rag that couldn't possibly give any more than I did. And I almost talked myself out of going! I was giving all these lame-ass excuses in my head.....I told myself to shut up.

On to the yummies....Sie is eating hummus wraps, and I used to love those, so I'm having one today. I'll be thinking of her whilst munching today! I need a little mix up in food variety here. I'm going shopping today, so I can make it happen.

-banana/blueberry smoothie (I sometimes use almond milk for this, but lately just water)
-pineapple
-spinach, cucumber, and onion salad with lemon tahini dressing
-hummus wrap (whole grain wrap/tortilla thingy, homemade hummus, sprouts, cucumber, and tomato)
-juice o' the day: apple, kale, carrot, celery, ginger, and lemon
-1 serving Cannellini w/ Garlic and Sage....this is an awesome slow cooker recipe from a vegetarian slow cooker book I have. It's super duper simple with only a few ingredients, but my whole family loves it. If you want the recipe I can post about both the book and the recipe.....
-1 slice (no really, only 1 slice) sourdough bread for dunkin' in my beans!!!

Total Tally= 1627

Today is my rest day. No exercise for me. I'm tempted to go to the gym, there's a female trainer doing a Mixed Martial Arts session today. I haven't met her yet and I'm curious. BUT...it's rest day, and I need one day a week off.

In other non-food-related stuff: My little one, Ivan, is having a surgery on the first of June. He had a tracheostomy (a hole to breath through in the neck) when he was a baby, and he's since lost the trach, but the hole never closed up all the way. He's going to have it all closed up, and he has presurgical testing at the hospital today. Daddy's taking him, since I'll be staying overnight for the surgery. We are all excited. He'll look like a normal little boy! Sometimes people stare at him a little once they notice a hole in his neck. Or maybe I just think they're staring....
I also attended a meeting at his school with his "team" of therapists and his teacher. They are recommending summer school for him. The concern is that although he's coming along nicely, they don't want him to regress over the summer and lose any of the skills he's worked so hard on. I'm glad. I only want the best for my Ivan! All the therapists are in love with him, though. They were saying how charming and smart he is and the cute little things he does to avoid having to do the hard stuff. I was a proud mama:)

Well, I apparently had a lot to say today. Hope you enjoyed this special extra-long edition of my blog!

Juice

I'm adding some fresh juice to the menu today. I used to juice a lot, but now only a few times a week. I have the Omega Vert slow juicer. Love that thing, and I highly recommend it. It is really quiet and powerful.

Boxing today too. I am still a little sore. I hope I'm not sore very soon:)

I struggled last night again. It seems the lights go out, the tv goes on, the family goes to sleep, and I go to the kitchen. Ahhhhh. As I've said many times, I'm a work in progress, I don't expect perfection. But still. Enough already.....It's getting old. I'm trying to save some fruit or something for the night.

Onto the good stuff. I noticed I was eating a lot of the same stuff every day. Well, for me, it's safe. I know I get the nutrition and it doesn't take much thought. Right now, it's working, but I know I will have to switch it up occasionally. Like today, I'm adding almonds. Mmmmm.

-Pineapple
-Melon
-Salad w/ sweet thai chili dressing
-Broccoli, brown rice, and tamari
-Juice concoction: apple, romaine, celery, ginger, and lemon
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax seeds
-Coffee w/ half and half and sugar
-23 Almonds
-Green tea and water

Total: 1643

I think I'll save the melon for snacky tonight. It's light and it should only be eaten by itself so it doesn't slow digestion of other foods and ferment.

Week 2, Day One

I'm sitting here at my dining room table waiting for the coffee pot to finish. Nobody else is up yet. It's quiet now. I like to get my action plan in place and set the tone for the day before the craziness starts.

Yesterday was overkill on the calories again. Sie said that she notices when she has harder workouts that she tends to eat more. I think that may have had something to do with it. That and the 'weekend attitude'. I will make next weekend more successful. Moving on....

Yesterday's boxing was so much fun. This trainer gives us more actual boxing and helps with technique, while Saturday's trainer is much more into the interval training and trying to kill us:) Thank god there were no more burpees yesterday, or as a reader called them, vomitees. We did the usual laps, squats, jumping jacks, footwork drills, boxing combos on the bag, jumprope, pushups, and I actually got in the ring and sparred a little with another classmate! It was fun. Nothing too hard, just soft hits, but I kept getting her left shoulder/face because she would drop it every time she went to punch me. It was very obvious, and I told her what she was doing. I am a righty in life, but I box lefty, which confuses the people who box me. It changes how you move around me. I've been told it's an advantage.

Anyway, after boxing, we all (fiance, little one, and moi, no older boy as he was with his dad) went to BJ's, which is another warehouse club store like Costco or Sam's Club. It was nice to get out together, even if it was just a mundane shopping trip. Then when we got back, I took the world's hottest shower to try to relax my sore muscles, and it really worked. I stretched in there, and when I got out I felt a lot looser. It was great.

Today is my day 5 of the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I'm thinking maybe at the end of this week, I can try adding level 2. Maybe.

Foodie Goodness-

-blueberry banana smoothie
-yogurt, apple butter, flax
-coffee with half and half and sugar
-loads o' green tea and water
-2 eggs w/ salsa
-romaine, cuke, and tomato salad
-tahini lemon dressing
-1 c pineapple
-1 c athena melon
-grilled cheese (2 whole wheat bread, 2 slices american, little onion, grilled dry)

Total Tally-1527
Low, but I'm sure I'll come up with something to nosh on to make up for it. I'm noticing I eat a LOT of fruit. In the coming weeks I'm hoping to transition to more veggies. I like the fruit, but I'm eating a large proportion.

So what's your plan?

Food for the Day

-Romaine, tomato, and cuke salad
-Lemon Tahini Dressing
-1 c melon
-Borscht
-Broccoli salad (broccoli, soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame seeds, ginger)
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax
-Potatoes in Red Curry Sauce
-1 c brown rice
-Coffee with half and half and sugar
-Green tea
-Water

Total- 1710 AND I'M STICKING TO IT!

2529

Confession time. 2529. That's how many calories I ate yesterday. Well, yesterday and last night. Last frickin' night. It got to me. I was cruisin' along, had my food all logged into the CRON-o-meter, and then at dinner and about 12:30, I caved. I gave in to the baked ziti I made. I was only allotted one portion, and I had another helping when I woke up at 12:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I also had two pieces of garlic bread with dinner that were not part of the plan. And two beers. That pushed me to almost 1000 calories over goal. I am just now attempting to sort out what exactly happened. I mean, I went boxing, I logged and wrote everything down, then I just threw it all out the window by scarfing down some stupid baked pasta and cheese dish.

I think maybe I've been feeling a little deprived and I'm annoyed by feeling this way. Why can't I just eat like everyone else? Why? My brain knows the answers to this, but my heart/emotions struggle with feelings sometimes. I am determined to not beat myself up over this, hey at least I got in a killer workout which will offset some of those calories. And making myself feel like a failure over food will just spiral. Like giving me a "f*** it" attitude, and that's not where I want to be, and would be dangerous to my progress. So back on that horse, lady. And quit yer belly-achin'! :)

Lesson learned: I don't think I will be making anymore pasta and cheese dishes. It's too close to pizza, a big trigger food for me. I need to stick to making things that a) I can stay away from if it's not on plan but made for my family or b)healthy and on plan for me. Preferably I can make more things that are for the whole family including me, but I understand that they are not where I am nutritionally, so I don't inflict the whole way of life on them. They are eating healthier, but definitely eat some things I don't/can't. None of them are overweight or unhealthy. And that's how I'd like to keep it.

So on to bigger and better things: Boxing day two, woo hoo!!!! I'm sore today, my legs are really tight. We didn't stretch yesterday after class, and I think I'll do that today when I come home. I'm really looking forward to pushing myself hard. My bff may even be there today. She is uber-ripped. She's a cop in NYC, so being fit is like a way of life for her and she takes it very seriously. She wasn't always a cop, she was a SAHM like me for years, but now her kids are older (she started younger than me) and she's a working stiff. Things have changed a lot for us. I left my older son's father, whom her and her family knew well. Come to find out, they didn't really think it was a great match....shhhhh! We used to meet every day and take the kids out in strollers walking to get fit. We were always struggling with those last few pounds. Then she became a cop and left me in the dust!!! And then the stress from having my little one at 27 weeks and the subsequent 2 months I spent in the hospital, put me up about 30 pounds. The hospital killed me. I was bedridden for 2 months, watching bad television and eating. The only thing to look forward to every day was visits from my family and eating. So I ate. It was the perfect storm of stress and environment. I ended up leaving the hospital heavier than when I gave birth. And that's the fight I'm still fighting today.

So I need to recommit today. I'm going to stay at or just below 1700 today. I will work out. I will drink my water and green tea. I will do it. I refuse to let the weekend bring me down! I want to have a good weekend. Food post to come...once I figure it out.

Survivor

I survived. It was torture, but I did it. I had to take a lot of little mini-breaks, but I did it. I felt like I was gonna die, but I did it.

Here's what we did: Running laps, squat thrusts (burpees), wall sits, sprints, tons of ab work, kickboxing, and the usual take-out-all-your-frustration-on-the-heavy-bag punching combos, pushups, planks, and some weird sit-up and punching combo that was hella hard. I'm sore and it's not even 3 hours past my workout! I can't even imagine what it's going to be like tomorrow. I'm glowing with pride:) It only took me about 5 months to get back, but I'm finally there. My head's in the right space now. I even have war-wounds. Well, one. A bruise on my elbow from doing elbow strikes on the heavy bag. It's ok, it makes me look tough:)

BOXING!!!!!

Yay! It's my first day of boxing. Finally! I'm nervous as heck, but I know I'll feel so good and proud of myself when I'm done. I have my bag all packed and in the car. My pink boxing gloves:) So girly. Nothing like having your butt kicked by a girl wearing pink gloves, ha.

Now on to other non-inspirational news: I laid out my food plan yesterday, but didn't stick to it. Too much beer, and I didn't eat all my veggies. I ended up at 1800 calories, so the damage wasn't too bad, but still. I wish I had gotten in more nutrition and less alcohol-ey goodness. Oh well, moving on....

The eats today:
-watermelon (last of it)
-athena melon
-romaine, tomato, and cuke salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-borscht
-green smoothie (apple, banana, and baby spinach w/ water.....mmmm)
-yogurt, apple butter, and flax
-Dinner: Homemade baked ziti with eggplant. Vegetarian, but cheesy and oh so delish.

Total: 1627

I'll be back with the gruesome details of how my trainer kicked my heiney:) I'm planning on going again tomorrow, but the fiance-type man thinks I'll be too sore. Well, now, that kinda makes me wanna prove him wrong:P

Ideal CR Weight

Crap. I did a little research online. It's not pretty, people! I'm 5 foot 8 inches tall, and my ideal weight without CR would be anywhere from 155-165. I decided 162, and so with a 10% reduction for CR, that puts me at 146!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! I haven't weighed that in a looooong-ass time. Like early high school.

I can do it. I'm just going to focus on getting to my healthy weight, and then we'll take it from there. That's all I can do.

Distracted

I had all these good intentions of posting when the hubbub died down, then I didn't. I sat on the couch with a whiskey and vegetated:) And yes, I added the calories.

Well, Ivan (my 3 yr old) had a physical. I have never really given all the details on just what we went through with him. He was born at 27 weeks and spent the first six months in the NICU fighting for his life, then another six months at a rehab hospital upstate. He was trached, had a gastric tube, and every central line he EVER got ended up infected. It got so bad that at one point they had the crash cart by his bed. His electrolytes were all screwy and they thought he'd go into cardiac arrest w/in 24 hours. We had to sign a DNR (Do Not Rescuscitate) form for him and everything. SO....for his 3 yr old annual physical, he came out great. His liver, which had been enlarged due to IV nutrition that gave him cirrhosis, is back to normal size! That kid amazes me. He's a peanut (only in the 25% percentile for weight, and the 10th percentile for height), but he's my healthy peanut! His hearing, eyes, body is all good. You do not know how great that feels to just hear how normal he is. There was a little concern that he'd have some long-lasting effects, maybe even brain damage, but other than being a little delayed (hey who wouldn't be after spending a year in a crib on their back?), he's going to be fine.

I got my first extra-special request for a recipe! Yay! I have to warn you though, I make it by 'feel' now and don't measure anything, then when I went to the recipe box, I saw that Mark's mom didn't measure either!!! So you get the basic ingredients and just do the add-and-taste method. I like mine pretty sweet and sour, so I always add a little extra sugar and red wine vinegar.....
So, onto the goodness!

Borscht-
Beets
Onions
Carrots
Celery

boil in a pot with chicken stock (that's the recipe, I use water sometimes), til tender, then add lemon juice, sugar, and red wine vinegar to taste. For the wegelya (sp??? again), you take out the solids and serve the clear broth. But for borscht, we just use an immersion blender and make it smooth. It's great with a dollop of sour cream or plain yogurt and a hard-boiled egg. Yum. Sorry it's not all measured, but that's the way us real cooks do it;)

Here's the chow I'm eating for the day:
-coffee w/ sugar and 1/2 and 1/2
-watermelon
-pineapple
-plain organic yogurt w/ apple butter and flaxseeds
-Borscht
-melon
-banana
-spinach, tomato, cuke salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-broccoli w/ sesame seeds, soy sauce, and rice wine vinegar
-whiskey

Total so far=1441

BTW, stepped on the scale yesterday, and since Monday when the Dawn Project kicked off, I'm down 6 pounds!!!! I can't believe it. Today's plan is to research a little about what my ideal weight might be, and then what my 10% reduction of that would end up being. I'm scared! I'm worried that it might be unattainable. I know it's not, but I'm nervous about seeing some scary low number that will mess with my head, you know?

Today's workout is day 4 of the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michael's. She's annoying me now, but the workout is good. I rested on Wednesday, since I had class and couldn't work out in the morning. And we all know what I'm really waiting for tomorrow: BOXING!!! I'm also scared of that. It's gonna hurt. But it must be done. And I ain't punkin' out.

Food Log

I'm just going to give my food for the day. I have a pretty busy morning w/ doc appointments and schlepping the baby around (why do I still call him the baby??? He's 3). I'll be back with more later, gator.

-Banana/pineapple smoothie. Just whirled with water.
-coffee w/ sugar and half and half
-plain yogurt w/ apple butter and flaxseeds
-spinach, cucumber, tomato salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-athena melon....new from the store, never seen it before, looks like a cantaloupe and a honeydew had a baby
-borscht (beets, celery, carrots boiled with a little water, little sugar, and red wine vinegar, then blended)
-pack of shirataki noodles
-marinara sauce
-broccoli
-homemade vinaigrette
-reduced fat feta
-loads of green tea and water

I'm trying to cut back on the sugar today, so I'm going to choke down the tea without sugar. Wish me luck!
Calories: 1249
On the low side, but it's a lot of food it seems, I'll figure it out later, maybe an apple with some peanut butter?

The Dawn Project, Day Three

Well, I've survived a few days. I have eaten right, exercised, and it's all coming together. My attitude's better. I don't feel like crawling under a rock anymore. Let the snowball effect begin!

Today I have my last class. YAY! Bio final. I'm relatively prepared, unlike my precalculus 1 class, which I will unfortunately be retaking in the fall. I didn't fail, but I want a better grade. Gotta focus.

Random: I write down an inspirational quote every day as a theme for the day. Today, I was looking for something about education, but I did that yesterday. So today, I'm feeling sassy and eager for summer break, so the quote I found today is this: "Life must be lived as play." Guess who wrote this gem? Plato! I'm going to try my best, between exams and grocery shopping and bill-paying and kid-schlepping, to get some play in today. I'd advise you all to do the same. My play these days is sewing, but I'm thinking I may have to get down and dirty with some crayons and paper today, maybe on the floor with my two boys. Heck, I may even break out the glitter and glue!

On to the foodie goodness. I'm trying to give myself a few hundred calories leeway, as we all know from previous posts that I struggle with nighttime snacking. So, this way, I have a few calories to spare for that. I don't include it in my totals til the next day, because I don't know what it is. It could be light microwave popcorn, more fruit, or some cheese. I've been doing better with the night, but I still crave something around 9-10. It's a work in progress, I'm just happy I'm eating healthy again and sticking to CR.

-Leftover ham and cheese quiche
-1 apple
-1 c watermelon
-1 banana
-1 c pineapple
-2 c spinach
-1/2 cucumber
-3 c romaine
-1 tomato
-Tahini Lemon Dressing over above veggies
-1 c plain yogurt
-3 TB apple butter
-1 TB flaxseeds (these three make a killer snack: yogurt, apple butter, and seeds!!!)
-1 mug coffee with sugar and half and half
-3 mugs organic green tea w/ little sugar
-Raw gazpacho (last of the batch)

Total is 1503 Calories!!!

Found some calories.....

Not that I was really in a dilemma or anything, but I found the rest of my calories for the day, and then a little more:) Only a little more. I made meatloaf for the family and couldn't resist a few small bites. Usually I'm ok with not eating the meat I make for them, but in my fragile, freshly-begun condition, I was weak. But the bulk of the extra calories came from a big bowl (2 cups) of steamed broccoli with a little reduced fat feta. Mmmm.

Today, I will stay under 1700. I WILL. I WILL. For my height and weight, the calculator I found online shows that at 1700 calories, it's 10% CR level. That's good for now.

In other academic-type news: I have a very stressful day ahead of me. As soon as my little one gets on the bus, I have a precalculus final to retake (thoroughly flubbed the first try) and I also have to study my booty off for my bio final tomorrow morning. Not too worried about the bio, will flip through my note cards and such, but the precal is a b*tch. I have not put the effort I should have into it, and I'm paying for it now. At least it's online, so I can sit there with my book and desperately try to find the formula I'm looking for:) This always happens: I start out all hotsy-totsy in the beginning of the semester, convinced that I'll get straight As. Then, I become a slacker in the topics that don't interest me and just do the bare minimum and have a "wait and see" sort of attitude. Then I end up panicking for the last month or so. Such a lame pattern. I'm striving for a better way after the summer. I was always a good student and learning comes fairly easily to me, so I sometimes rest on my laurels, thinking it will be easy for me, and then when it's not, I'm shocked! What a crock. I also tend to forget that life is not as easy breezy as it once was back in the day. I have 2 boys, a fiance, and a home to run. I really need the focus if I'm going to succeed. It's all related. Mind, body, and soul. Treating myself well physically will help mentally and snowball.

The garden is finally showing some sprouts. The tomatoes never grew past about 3 inches, so The Man is going to pick up some seedlings this weekend. But we've got peppers coming up, scallions, cucumbers, (we think) melons, and green beans. I really hope we get some stuff this year. Last year sucked. We are hoping to eventually grow enough of our own food, that we won't have to join the CSA. We love the CSA, but it's kind of expensive. Worth it, but expensive still.

OK, now for the food:
-1 banana
-1 apple
-raw gazpacho
-2 large eggs
-salsa
-1 c pineapple
-1 c watermelon
-meatloaf (it's part of the calories today, so I will just indulge in the red meat today)
-grilled cheese, no butter, whole grain bread, reduced fat american cheese
-2 c broccoli
-3 mugs organic green tea w/ a total of 1 TB sugar

Total= 1437 calories