Who Ate Last Night???

Not me! I didn't have anything last night:)

It was very hot and humid here yesterday. My fiance took the day off to take Ivan to the doc, so he was home, and we had a good time, playing with the kids and listening to music. The kids love love love The White Stripes. I think because it's very simple beats and melodic. But I have the laptop on shuffle, and every time a White Stripes song would come on, they'd start rocking out. That, and my older boy also loves System of a Down (mom's favorite!).

Food went well, although I pre-made a salad and put it in the fridge, so it would be easy to grab when I was hungry, and I didn't end up eating it. It's all shriveled and sad-looking this morning. I hate wasting food. At least it can go in the compost. I was trying to outsmart myself, because I know how I operate (well, I'm learning), and if hunger strikes, I want something quick, and I know I won't take the time to chop and make a salad or something healthy. I'm going to try this method again today, only I will have to remember to actually eat what I make!

Yesterday was a rest day as far as working out goes, and I felt like I wanted to do something all day. I was like a slug. But I know rest days are important. My Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred is on the menu for the next two days. Now that I'm hooked on boxing, the Shred seems sooo tedious. But I will rip through it today and tomorrow, til I can get to the good stuff!

Food For The Day:
-Coffee w/ half and half and sugar
-green tea w/ sugar (gotta get to the health food store and get some stevia!)
-Juicy Goodness: apple, carrot, kale, ginger, and lemon
-Hummus wrap....they didn't have sprouts at the store yesterday:(
-Romaine, tomato, mushroom, cucumber salad w/ thai chili dressing
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax "snack"
-1/2 avocado...mmmmm
-Grilled cheese on whole grain bread grilled dry (no butter)

Tally: 1607

I'm looking at it now, and I think I'll add some fresh fruit. I got some pears, peaches, berries, and of course, my pineapple (I looooove fresh pineapple). So I'm sure I can hit my 1700 mark with that.

Also on the menu for the day- Laundry. O the chills and thrills of SAHM-itude.

Good Morning

Hey Good Morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing.....*sigh* :)

Ok, enough of that. I ate a little last night. But I mean, very little. Like a cup of pasta with a little tomato sauce on it. Not entirely angelic on my part, but trust me when I say this was a success! It didn't even wreck my calories for the day since I hadn't eaten everything on my list. Which could be why I was hungry in the first place, right? AND...it was fairly early. Like not in the wee hours of the night.

Boxing: Killer workout. I love it so much. It's going to become an addiction, I swear. A really weird thing happened though, that's never ever happened. I mean, I used to do karate (I even taught it) and we worked HARD. But this never happened. At a few points during the workout I felt like I wanted to throw up (well, that's happened before) and then I also felt like I was going to break down and cry. Weirdness. I don't know if I have something going on underneath the surface, or I was just giving it my all (which I totally was). I was a little frustrated because I pretty much sucked at a few of the exercises. As in I would do two or three reps then have to stop for a second or two (no longer than that, I wanna keep my heartrate up). It was really surreal feeling like I was gonna have an emotional breakdown. It reminded me of the show Biggest Loser when they push them so hard they have to push through their personal barriers of whatever's holding them back. BTW, did you see the finale???? Wowzers. Back to boxing: All I know is I felt great after, when I was like a chubby, sweaty, limp little rag that couldn't possibly give any more than I did. And I almost talked myself out of going! I was giving all these lame-ass excuses in my head.....I told myself to shut up.

On to the yummies....Sie is eating hummus wraps, and I used to love those, so I'm having one today. I'll be thinking of her whilst munching today! I need a little mix up in food variety here. I'm going shopping today, so I can make it happen.

-banana/blueberry smoothie (I sometimes use almond milk for this, but lately just water)
-pineapple
-spinach, cucumber, and onion salad with lemon tahini dressing
-hummus wrap (whole grain wrap/tortilla thingy, homemade hummus, sprouts, cucumber, and tomato)
-juice o' the day: apple, kale, carrot, celery, ginger, and lemon
-1 serving Cannellini w/ Garlic and Sage....this is an awesome slow cooker recipe from a vegetarian slow cooker book I have. It's super duper simple with only a few ingredients, but my whole family loves it. If you want the recipe I can post about both the book and the recipe.....
-1 slice (no really, only 1 slice) sourdough bread for dunkin' in my beans!!!

Total Tally= 1627

Today is my rest day. No exercise for me. I'm tempted to go to the gym, there's a female trainer doing a Mixed Martial Arts session today. I haven't met her yet and I'm curious. BUT...it's rest day, and I need one day a week off.

In other non-food-related stuff: My little one, Ivan, is having a surgery on the first of June. He had a tracheostomy (a hole to breath through in the neck) when he was a baby, and he's since lost the trach, but the hole never closed up all the way. He's going to have it all closed up, and he has presurgical testing at the hospital today. Daddy's taking him, since I'll be staying overnight for the surgery. We are all excited. He'll look like a normal little boy! Sometimes people stare at him a little once they notice a hole in his neck. Or maybe I just think they're staring....
I also attended a meeting at his school with his "team" of therapists and his teacher. They are recommending summer school for him. The concern is that although he's coming along nicely, they don't want him to regress over the summer and lose any of the skills he's worked so hard on. I'm glad. I only want the best for my Ivan! All the therapists are in love with him, though. They were saying how charming and smart he is and the cute little things he does to avoid having to do the hard stuff. I was a proud mama:)

Well, I apparently had a lot to say today. Hope you enjoyed this special extra-long edition of my blog!

Juice

I'm adding some fresh juice to the menu today. I used to juice a lot, but now only a few times a week. I have the Omega Vert slow juicer. Love that thing, and I highly recommend it. It is really quiet and powerful.

Boxing today too. I am still a little sore. I hope I'm not sore very soon:)

I struggled last night again. It seems the lights go out, the tv goes on, the family goes to sleep, and I go to the kitchen. Ahhhhh. As I've said many times, I'm a work in progress, I don't expect perfection. But still. Enough already.....It's getting old. I'm trying to save some fruit or something for the night.

Onto the good stuff. I noticed I was eating a lot of the same stuff every day. Well, for me, it's safe. I know I get the nutrition and it doesn't take much thought. Right now, it's working, but I know I will have to switch it up occasionally. Like today, I'm adding almonds. Mmmmm.

-Pineapple
-Melon
-Salad w/ sweet thai chili dressing
-Broccoli, brown rice, and tamari
-Juice concoction: apple, romaine, celery, ginger, and lemon
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax seeds
-Coffee w/ half and half and sugar
-23 Almonds
-Green tea and water

Total: 1643

I think I'll save the melon for snacky tonight. It's light and it should only be eaten by itself so it doesn't slow digestion of other foods and ferment.

Week 2, Day One

I'm sitting here at my dining room table waiting for the coffee pot to finish. Nobody else is up yet. It's quiet now. I like to get my action plan in place and set the tone for the day before the craziness starts.

Yesterday was overkill on the calories again. Sie said that she notices when she has harder workouts that she tends to eat more. I think that may have had something to do with it. That and the 'weekend attitude'. I will make next weekend more successful. Moving on....

Yesterday's boxing was so much fun. This trainer gives us more actual boxing and helps with technique, while Saturday's trainer is much more into the interval training and trying to kill us:) Thank god there were no more burpees yesterday, or as a reader called them, vomitees. We did the usual laps, squats, jumping jacks, footwork drills, boxing combos on the bag, jumprope, pushups, and I actually got in the ring and sparred a little with another classmate! It was fun. Nothing too hard, just soft hits, but I kept getting her left shoulder/face because she would drop it every time she went to punch me. It was very obvious, and I told her what she was doing. I am a righty in life, but I box lefty, which confuses the people who box me. It changes how you move around me. I've been told it's an advantage.

Anyway, after boxing, we all (fiance, little one, and moi, no older boy as he was with his dad) went to BJ's, which is another warehouse club store like Costco or Sam's Club. It was nice to get out together, even if it was just a mundane shopping trip. Then when we got back, I took the world's hottest shower to try to relax my sore muscles, and it really worked. I stretched in there, and when I got out I felt a lot looser. It was great.

Today is my day 5 of the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I'm thinking maybe at the end of this week, I can try adding level 2. Maybe.

Foodie Goodness-

-blueberry banana smoothie
-yogurt, apple butter, flax
-coffee with half and half and sugar
-loads o' green tea and water
-2 eggs w/ salsa
-romaine, cuke, and tomato salad
-tahini lemon dressing
-1 c pineapple
-1 c athena melon
-grilled cheese (2 whole wheat bread, 2 slices american, little onion, grilled dry)

Total Tally-1527
Low, but I'm sure I'll come up with something to nosh on to make up for it. I'm noticing I eat a LOT of fruit. In the coming weeks I'm hoping to transition to more veggies. I like the fruit, but I'm eating a large proportion.

So what's your plan?

Food for the Day

-Romaine, tomato, and cuke salad
-Lemon Tahini Dressing
-1 c melon
-Borscht
-Broccoli salad (broccoli, soy sauce, rice vinegar, sesame seeds, ginger)
-Yogurt, apple butter, flax
-Potatoes in Red Curry Sauce
-1 c brown rice
-Coffee with half and half and sugar
-Green tea
-Water

Total- 1710 AND I'M STICKING TO IT!

2529

Confession time. 2529. That's how many calories I ate yesterday. Well, yesterday and last night. Last frickin' night. It got to me. I was cruisin' along, had my food all logged into the CRON-o-meter, and then at dinner and about 12:30, I caved. I gave in to the baked ziti I made. I was only allotted one portion, and I had another helping when I woke up at 12:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I also had two pieces of garlic bread with dinner that were not part of the plan. And two beers. That pushed me to almost 1000 calories over goal. I am just now attempting to sort out what exactly happened. I mean, I went boxing, I logged and wrote everything down, then I just threw it all out the window by scarfing down some stupid baked pasta and cheese dish.

I think maybe I've been feeling a little deprived and I'm annoyed by feeling this way. Why can't I just eat like everyone else? Why? My brain knows the answers to this, but my heart/emotions struggle with feelings sometimes. I am determined to not beat myself up over this, hey at least I got in a killer workout which will offset some of those calories. And making myself feel like a failure over food will just spiral. Like giving me a "f*** it" attitude, and that's not where I want to be, and would be dangerous to my progress. So back on that horse, lady. And quit yer belly-achin'! :)

Lesson learned: I don't think I will be making anymore pasta and cheese dishes. It's too close to pizza, a big trigger food for me. I need to stick to making things that a) I can stay away from if it's not on plan but made for my family or b)healthy and on plan for me. Preferably I can make more things that are for the whole family including me, but I understand that they are not where I am nutritionally, so I don't inflict the whole way of life on them. They are eating healthier, but definitely eat some things I don't/can't. None of them are overweight or unhealthy. And that's how I'd like to keep it.

So on to bigger and better things: Boxing day two, woo hoo!!!! I'm sore today, my legs are really tight. We didn't stretch yesterday after class, and I think I'll do that today when I come home. I'm really looking forward to pushing myself hard. My bff may even be there today. She is uber-ripped. She's a cop in NYC, so being fit is like a way of life for her and she takes it very seriously. She wasn't always a cop, she was a SAHM like me for years, but now her kids are older (she started younger than me) and she's a working stiff. Things have changed a lot for us. I left my older son's father, whom her and her family knew well. Come to find out, they didn't really think it was a great match....shhhhh! We used to meet every day and take the kids out in strollers walking to get fit. We were always struggling with those last few pounds. Then she became a cop and left me in the dust!!! And then the stress from having my little one at 27 weeks and the subsequent 2 months I spent in the hospital, put me up about 30 pounds. The hospital killed me. I was bedridden for 2 months, watching bad television and eating. The only thing to look forward to every day was visits from my family and eating. So I ate. It was the perfect storm of stress and environment. I ended up leaving the hospital heavier than when I gave birth. And that's the fight I'm still fighting today.

So I need to recommit today. I'm going to stay at or just below 1700 today. I will work out. I will drink my water and green tea. I will do it. I refuse to let the weekend bring me down! I want to have a good weekend. Food post to come...once I figure it out.

Survivor

I survived. It was torture, but I did it. I had to take a lot of little mini-breaks, but I did it. I felt like I was gonna die, but I did it.

Here's what we did: Running laps, squat thrusts (burpees), wall sits, sprints, tons of ab work, kickboxing, and the usual take-out-all-your-frustration-on-the-heavy-bag punching combos, pushups, planks, and some weird sit-up and punching combo that was hella hard. I'm sore and it's not even 3 hours past my workout! I can't even imagine what it's going to be like tomorrow. I'm glowing with pride:) It only took me about 5 months to get back, but I'm finally there. My head's in the right space now. I even have war-wounds. Well, one. A bruise on my elbow from doing elbow strikes on the heavy bag. It's ok, it makes me look tough:)

BOXING!!!!!

Yay! It's my first day of boxing. Finally! I'm nervous as heck, but I know I'll feel so good and proud of myself when I'm done. I have my bag all packed and in the car. My pink boxing gloves:) So girly. Nothing like having your butt kicked by a girl wearing pink gloves, ha.

Now on to other non-inspirational news: I laid out my food plan yesterday, but didn't stick to it. Too much beer, and I didn't eat all my veggies. I ended up at 1800 calories, so the damage wasn't too bad, but still. I wish I had gotten in more nutrition and less alcohol-ey goodness. Oh well, moving on....

The eats today:
-watermelon (last of it)
-athena melon
-romaine, tomato, and cuke salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-borscht
-green smoothie (apple, banana, and baby spinach w/ water.....mmmm)
-yogurt, apple butter, and flax
-Dinner: Homemade baked ziti with eggplant. Vegetarian, but cheesy and oh so delish.

Total: 1627

I'll be back with the gruesome details of how my trainer kicked my heiney:) I'm planning on going again tomorrow, but the fiance-type man thinks I'll be too sore. Well, now, that kinda makes me wanna prove him wrong:P

Ideal CR Weight

Crap. I did a little research online. It's not pretty, people! I'm 5 foot 8 inches tall, and my ideal weight without CR would be anywhere from 155-165. I decided 162, and so with a 10% reduction for CR, that puts me at 146!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!! I haven't weighed that in a looooong-ass time. Like early high school.

I can do it. I'm just going to focus on getting to my healthy weight, and then we'll take it from there. That's all I can do.

Distracted

I had all these good intentions of posting when the hubbub died down, then I didn't. I sat on the couch with a whiskey and vegetated:) And yes, I added the calories.

Well, Ivan (my 3 yr old) had a physical. I have never really given all the details on just what we went through with him. He was born at 27 weeks and spent the first six months in the NICU fighting for his life, then another six months at a rehab hospital upstate. He was trached, had a gastric tube, and every central line he EVER got ended up infected. It got so bad that at one point they had the crash cart by his bed. His electrolytes were all screwy and they thought he'd go into cardiac arrest w/in 24 hours. We had to sign a DNR (Do Not Rescuscitate) form for him and everything. SO....for his 3 yr old annual physical, he came out great. His liver, which had been enlarged due to IV nutrition that gave him cirrhosis, is back to normal size! That kid amazes me. He's a peanut (only in the 25% percentile for weight, and the 10th percentile for height), but he's my healthy peanut! His hearing, eyes, body is all good. You do not know how great that feels to just hear how normal he is. There was a little concern that he'd have some long-lasting effects, maybe even brain damage, but other than being a little delayed (hey who wouldn't be after spending a year in a crib on their back?), he's going to be fine.

I got my first extra-special request for a recipe! Yay! I have to warn you though, I make it by 'feel' now and don't measure anything, then when I went to the recipe box, I saw that Mark's mom didn't measure either!!! So you get the basic ingredients and just do the add-and-taste method. I like mine pretty sweet and sour, so I always add a little extra sugar and red wine vinegar.....
So, onto the goodness!

Borscht-
Beets
Onions
Carrots
Celery

boil in a pot with chicken stock (that's the recipe, I use water sometimes), til tender, then add lemon juice, sugar, and red wine vinegar to taste. For the wegelya (sp??? again), you take out the solids and serve the clear broth. But for borscht, we just use an immersion blender and make it smooth. It's great with a dollop of sour cream or plain yogurt and a hard-boiled egg. Yum. Sorry it's not all measured, but that's the way us real cooks do it;)

Here's the chow I'm eating for the day:
-coffee w/ sugar and 1/2 and 1/2
-watermelon
-pineapple
-plain organic yogurt w/ apple butter and flaxseeds
-Borscht
-melon
-banana
-spinach, tomato, cuke salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-broccoli w/ sesame seeds, soy sauce, and rice wine vinegar
-whiskey

Total so far=1441

BTW, stepped on the scale yesterday, and since Monday when the Dawn Project kicked off, I'm down 6 pounds!!!! I can't believe it. Today's plan is to research a little about what my ideal weight might be, and then what my 10% reduction of that would end up being. I'm scared! I'm worried that it might be unattainable. I know it's not, but I'm nervous about seeing some scary low number that will mess with my head, you know?

Today's workout is day 4 of the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michael's. She's annoying me now, but the workout is good. I rested on Wednesday, since I had class and couldn't work out in the morning. And we all know what I'm really waiting for tomorrow: BOXING!!! I'm also scared of that. It's gonna hurt. But it must be done. And I ain't punkin' out.

Food Log

I'm just going to give my food for the day. I have a pretty busy morning w/ doc appointments and schlepping the baby around (why do I still call him the baby??? He's 3). I'll be back with more later, gator.

-Banana/pineapple smoothie. Just whirled with water.
-coffee w/ sugar and half and half
-plain yogurt w/ apple butter and flaxseeds
-spinach, cucumber, tomato salad w/ lemon tahini dressing
-athena melon....new from the store, never seen it before, looks like a cantaloupe and a honeydew had a baby
-borscht (beets, celery, carrots boiled with a little water, little sugar, and red wine vinegar, then blended)
-pack of shirataki noodles
-marinara sauce
-broccoli
-homemade vinaigrette
-reduced fat feta
-loads of green tea and water

I'm trying to cut back on the sugar today, so I'm going to choke down the tea without sugar. Wish me luck!
Calories: 1249
On the low side, but it's a lot of food it seems, I'll figure it out later, maybe an apple with some peanut butter?

The Dawn Project, Day Three

Well, I've survived a few days. I have eaten right, exercised, and it's all coming together. My attitude's better. I don't feel like crawling under a rock anymore. Let the snowball effect begin!

Today I have my last class. YAY! Bio final. I'm relatively prepared, unlike my precalculus 1 class, which I will unfortunately be retaking in the fall. I didn't fail, but I want a better grade. Gotta focus.

Random: I write down an inspirational quote every day as a theme for the day. Today, I was looking for something about education, but I did that yesterday. So today, I'm feeling sassy and eager for summer break, so the quote I found today is this: "Life must be lived as play." Guess who wrote this gem? Plato! I'm going to try my best, between exams and grocery shopping and bill-paying and kid-schlepping, to get some play in today. I'd advise you all to do the same. My play these days is sewing, but I'm thinking I may have to get down and dirty with some crayons and paper today, maybe on the floor with my two boys. Heck, I may even break out the glitter and glue!

On to the foodie goodness. I'm trying to give myself a few hundred calories leeway, as we all know from previous posts that I struggle with nighttime snacking. So, this way, I have a few calories to spare for that. I don't include it in my totals til the next day, because I don't know what it is. It could be light microwave popcorn, more fruit, or some cheese. I've been doing better with the night, but I still crave something around 9-10. It's a work in progress, I'm just happy I'm eating healthy again and sticking to CR.

-Leftover ham and cheese quiche
-1 apple
-1 c watermelon
-1 banana
-1 c pineapple
-2 c spinach
-1/2 cucumber
-3 c romaine
-1 tomato
-Tahini Lemon Dressing over above veggies
-1 c plain yogurt
-3 TB apple butter
-1 TB flaxseeds (these three make a killer snack: yogurt, apple butter, and seeds!!!)
-1 mug coffee with sugar and half and half
-3 mugs organic green tea w/ little sugar
-Raw gazpacho (last of the batch)

Total is 1503 Calories!!!

Found some calories.....

Not that I was really in a dilemma or anything, but I found the rest of my calories for the day, and then a little more:) Only a little more. I made meatloaf for the family and couldn't resist a few small bites. Usually I'm ok with not eating the meat I make for them, but in my fragile, freshly-begun condition, I was weak. But the bulk of the extra calories came from a big bowl (2 cups) of steamed broccoli with a little reduced fat feta. Mmmm.

Today, I will stay under 1700. I WILL. I WILL. For my height and weight, the calculator I found online shows that at 1700 calories, it's 10% CR level. That's good for now.

In other academic-type news: I have a very stressful day ahead of me. As soon as my little one gets on the bus, I have a precalculus final to retake (thoroughly flubbed the first try) and I also have to study my booty off for my bio final tomorrow morning. Not too worried about the bio, will flip through my note cards and such, but the precal is a b*tch. I have not put the effort I should have into it, and I'm paying for it now. At least it's online, so I can sit there with my book and desperately try to find the formula I'm looking for:) This always happens: I start out all hotsy-totsy in the beginning of the semester, convinced that I'll get straight As. Then, I become a slacker in the topics that don't interest me and just do the bare minimum and have a "wait and see" sort of attitude. Then I end up panicking for the last month or so. Such a lame pattern. I'm striving for a better way after the summer. I was always a good student and learning comes fairly easily to me, so I sometimes rest on my laurels, thinking it will be easy for me, and then when it's not, I'm shocked! What a crock. I also tend to forget that life is not as easy breezy as it once was back in the day. I have 2 boys, a fiance, and a home to run. I really need the focus if I'm going to succeed. It's all related. Mind, body, and soul. Treating myself well physically will help mentally and snowball.

The garden is finally showing some sprouts. The tomatoes never grew past about 3 inches, so The Man is going to pick up some seedlings this weekend. But we've got peppers coming up, scallions, cucumbers, (we think) melons, and green beans. I really hope we get some stuff this year. Last year sucked. We are hoping to eventually grow enough of our own food, that we won't have to join the CSA. We love the CSA, but it's kind of expensive. Worth it, but expensive still.

OK, now for the food:
-1 banana
-1 apple
-raw gazpacho
-2 large eggs
-salsa
-1 c pineapple
-1 c watermelon
-meatloaf (it's part of the calories today, so I will just indulge in the red meat today)
-grilled cheese, no butter, whole grain bread, reduced fat american cheese
-2 c broccoli
-3 mugs organic green tea w/ a total of 1 TB sugar

Total= 1437 calories

The Dawn Project, Day One

Intake for the day, I used the CRON-o-meter and I'm at 1248 calories. I have to figure out how to add more calories for a total of 1700, but I haven't gotten there yet. I'm thinking maybe a big bowl of broccoli and some rice?? It seems like a lot of food, but that's what happens when you start eating well again. More bang for your buck.

-Coffee with half and half and little sugar
-Smoothie made with blueberries, banana, hemp protein, and water
-3 c. romaine
-1/4 c reduced fat feta cheese
-2 TB homemade vinaigrette
-1 apple
-Raw gazpacho
-2 large eggs
-Salsa
-1 c pineapple
-1c watermelon
-2 veggie 'chicken' patties
-Hamburger roll
-3 mugs green tea w/ total of 1 TB sugar
-H2o Galore!!!

I'm back, baby! I didn't make boxing yesterday, my son's father was late getting to my son's soccer game, and I didn't have time to make the class. Grrrrr. I was really really ticked off when I got back home, but I ended up discussing it calmly with him and he apologized.

However, today is the day. I'm calling it The Dawn Project. I know, silly name, but I even made an Excel sheet. I was inspired by a new blog I found, called Ag's LIFE & CRON Blog. I've put columns for weight, calories, and exercise. Today I got in Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, Level One. I really wanted to quit about halfway through, but I didn't. I sucked it up and I feel so much better for it:) My little one was my workout buddy. He would watch me, watch the video, then do the exercises. His squats were soooo cute! He even did 'crunchies' with me! I'm proud to set a good example for him that will hopefully stick with him for life.

So to anyone out there who's struggling, come on and join me. I've been slacking for far too long and it's over, rover! I'm over it, how about you???

Boxing

Yep. I'm hitting the boxing gym today. I'm ascared! The workouts there are very brutal, and I'm out of shape and overweight. BUT. I really miss it, and my school/mommy schedule kept me away. Now I'm hoping to get ripped over the summer, when my schedule will once again resume. And by then, I'll be so in shape and addicted to it, that I'll find a way to make it work!

My older son has a soccer game this morning, then he's going with his dad to see Ironman 2. He's very excited. He loves any superhero, and has had a soft spot for Spiderman since he was about 1 1/2 years old.

Food continues to be a struggle. I am thinking that exercising will give me those feel-good brainwaves and make me feel a little more motivated to take better care of this bod. I've been eating meat. I've neglected my blender and juicer. And veggie/fruit consumption is way low. That can and will change. I know it. I just have to get off my now-bigger butt and do it. That's the only way. Through me and only me.

On the CSA front, we heard that the first pick-up will be the last week of May! Yippee! I'm so excited. At least I know that my produce intake will go up then. We have to use everything, and I like coming up with ways to use what they give us. Some hits, some misses, but always a flavor adventure! Gee, I sound like a commercial for CSAs, but if you have a chance to join one near you, I heartily cheer you on!

Stay tuned for the next post, in which I describe in great detail every ache and pain in every body part that got tortured boxing:) It won't be pretty.

Feeling Better:)

Well, I've started a new med, and I have to say, I'm feeling less anxiety/panic attacks so far. I have to titrate, or gradually build up the levels in my blood. I'm up to two little pills a day tomorrow. The only downside so far is occasional dizzyness, which I'm thinking should go away SOON (please!).

I started to work out again today. Fresh start. I was soooo not excited to do this, so I figured I'd jump on the treadmill and go as far as I felt necessary. I did 20 minutes. Certainly not my best effort of all time, but it's a start, and that's what I need right now. I'm hoping once I get going, it'll all snowball in a good direction, unlike the last few weeks snowball in the bad/scary direction.

Mother's Day was awesome! I love Mother's Day better than my birthday, but not as much as Christmas. I love the little handmade cards and art, and that they get so excited to appreciate me for just one day. It's too cute, and I'll miss it when they get bigger. I guess not miss it, it will just be different.

Well, that's my update. I'm grateful for every positive thought sent my way during this extremely difficult time, and I am slowly on my way back.