Crash and Burn, Baby, Burn!!!

To say I have fallen off the proverbial wagon would be the understatement of the century.

I have been eating way too much crap, put on about 15 pounds, and stopped working out. I had my first panic attack in ages last night. It snowballs, see. I start not taking care of myself, my meds get "off" and then I feel worse, and the fact that I'm not taking care of myself physically affects me, and it gets worse and things like panic attacks and depression start. Ugh.

I post on a Medifast board regularly for support. I love those women. They are so supportive and caring. So yesterday I sent out an S.O.S., which was really hard to do. They were there like white on rice, sending hugs and bits of advice and empathy. It's so hard to admit when you are destroying yourself. It's so shaming.
I know something is going on with me. I've been getting emotional at random things, like commercials or certain songs. This usually means my bipolar is acting up. And if I don't act now, it could spiral into mania or a massive depressive episode. I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner who monitors my psych meds, and I'll fill her in. It's really a shame, too. I had been stable for sooooo long, I had been pushing her to decrease some of my meds and possibly try removing some of them. The most opportune time to do so is the spring/summer. Looks like its not happening for me this year. Maybe next year.