Getting better....

I am not eating as much at night now. I say not as much because like all of you, I am not perfect and it has been challenging to say the least. But I'm still fighting the good fight (or is it fighting the food fight?).

Today's food includes a raw fruit smoothie, a green smoothie, a bean and kale soup, and some raw gazpacho. And maybe a salad.

I've not lost any weight recently. The running is getting good. I'm up to 28 whole entire minutes of running without stopping (hopefully!). I'm thinking something's gotta give soon. I can't keep eating well and running and not lose something....sheesh. I'm also taking all my supplements. 5 HTP, 7 keto DHEA, vitamin D, fish oils, and a multivitamin. So far, I'm not noticing a huge difference. A lighter mood, maybe. Not so moody at all.

In between homework, I'm also sewing again. The current project is a Hotpatterns jacket, my first attempt at any kind of jacket. It's a supposedly simple one, unlined, easier collar and such. I'm stuck on the collar right now, so I have to consult my Singer Sewing book to see some visuals. Otherwise I'm gonna have to email Trudy at Hotpatterns for a sewing S.O.S:) I'll post pics when it's done.

Oh, and I saw Precious Saturday night. I thought it was great, even though it was quite depressing. She was a great character though. Nothing beat her down, even though life certainly tried. Mark (the fiance) even liked it, and he's a tough critic.

Dawn 1, Food 0

I did it. I didn't snack last night! Not one morsel passed these lips. Can I get a whoop-whoop?

I think because I was so irritated about it that it stuck in my head. Normally, I'm half asleep and just grabbing something because I think I'm hungry. Well, I obviously want to keep this going. But how? I guess taking it one day (night) at a time couldn't hurt. I'll just focus at bedtime on the fact that I don't want to eat. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, I have been running more, and coming up Sunday is a 25 minute run, no breaks. Oy. Can she do it? Hell yeah, she can! I just can't see me stopping, I'll feel like a massive failure.

Menu today includes a banana-blueberry smoothie, a large romaine salad with mushrooms, a low fat cheese quesadilla on whole grain tortilla, and my green smoothie (apple, banana, and baby spinach whirled up with some water). Oh, and I'm drinking 3 cups of green tea a day now. We'll see what comes of that. I'm in a rut with the banana blueberry smoothie and the green smoothie. Do you do that? Have foods that you eat over and over every day? I don't mind it, I like it for now, I just wonder if others do that too. I cycle it seems.

Bingeing

I'm so annoyed with myself right now.

Mark and I have an issue. He likes to sleep with the tv off and has a hard time falling asleep if it's on. Me, I've always fallen asleep with the tv on and just set the timer so it turns off later after I've fallen asleep. Well, I sleep on the couch most nights so I can watch tv, and he sleeps in the bedroom where it's all dark and quiet. This all started when I had surgery after my littlest one was born. I had a contraption called a wound vac (yes it's just what it sounds like) attached to my abdomen, and it would alarm and make noise all night. And it was easier to just sleep on the couch, more comfortable with the wound vac, since I needed a place to set it on and the coffee table worked just fine.
So, we all know I've been struggling with late night snacking and insomnia. It's made much easier by the fact that the couch is right next to the kitchen and nobody's around to see me. See, I'm sneaky. Well, last night I tried to sleep in the bedroom. I figure this will help me stay out of the fridge during the night. I turned on the tv, even though I know Mark doesn't like it. We gotta compromise right? It's turned down so low I can hardly hear it, so it won't disturb him, and he's got his eye mask on and earplugs in. Well, I am 'this close' to falling asleep and he turns to me and says (waking me totally up, btw) he can't fall asleep. So, sighing, I just get up and go out to the living room. A little irritated, but understanding. Then I eat. I ate pretzels, cookies, and a bowl of raisin bran with 1% milk. I ate because I was kinda mad and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Why? Why do I sabotage myself? I work out consistently, I eat right during the day. Then night comes and I totally ruin the good things I've done for myself.
I've ordered a buttload of supplements to start taking. I am following Dr. Amen's Change Your Brain, Change Your Body. I suffer from depression and bipolar disorder, and a lot of what he says makes sense to me. There are so many factors that affect weight and depression. Deficiency in any number of nutrients can lead to depression, sleep problems, and weight gain. Not getting enough sleep in itself is a weight factor. I have so much going against me. But I'm going to try these supplements, and keep trying to stop the late night eating. That's all I can do is try. I have the pieces of the puzzle, I just have to put them together correctly.

I did it!

I'm a runner! I ran 20 minutes. Actually in a row, no breaks:) It was tough the first 7 or 8 minutes, I didn't think I was gonna make it. I just had the thought of feeling like a huge failure if I didn't get it done. And that just would not work. Next week is 25 minutes. Oh sh*t.

My son went to the doc today. They ordered a strep test and we'll find out Wednesday if it's positive. They did the normal test in the office, but it came back negative, and they said their test in-office is only 70-75% accurate. He's sleeping right now. Poor thing. He was negative for the flu too.

Today's menu: cantaloupe, a romaine and mushroom salad, a grilled cheese on whole grain bread, a banana-raspberry smoothie, and a bean and kale minestra (soup) from one of my Moosewood cookbooks. I know the grilled cheese isn't all that healthy, but I'm craving it. And the CRON-o-meter says I can have one! Hurray for C-o-meter....I'm just doing what it tells me.

Tonight's goal: NO NIGHTTIME SNACKING! This means you, Dawn. I have been so bad about this lately. Not hugely unhealthy snacks either, but still. I need to cut it out.

I saw on PBS this doctor Daniel Amen and his program, Change Your Brain, Change Your Body. Hmmmm. My interest is piqued. A lot of what he said spoke to me. I struggle with a lot of the symptoms that lead to being overweight. Depression, bipolar, anxiety, hormone imbalances, and disordered sleep. I'm a mess. He had a lot to say about supplements like fish oil and vitamin D and various others. I'm not so sure about all the brain stuff, but what he was doing would definitely be considered healthy. It wasn't so far 'out there', you know? So anyway, Mark is buying me the book today. He's a good man:)

He's burnin' up

My older son's fever got up to 104.8F yesterday. We were concerned, but not emergency room concerned. So we pumped him full of ibuprofen overlapped with tylenol, and put him in a lukewarm bath. He's acting fine, just a little tired. This morning he seems to have broken it, sitting pretty at a relatively cool 99.6. Whew. He was worried he'd miss his day with his dad (his dad gets him Tue, Thurs, and Sun), I felt bad for him.

I'm down a few more pounds! I've been doing mostly raw still. Sticking to my calories. I just made a morrocan couscous salad called Salat Tangiers. It's got raisins, peppers, carrots, onions, parsley, almonds, and mint in a super yummy marinade of OJ, lemon juice, a little oil, cinnamon, cayenne, and a pinch of salt. I used whole wheat couscous and halved the oil, and it still came up atrocious on the CRON-o-meter! It's got 600 calories per serving! Ouch! Still, I can have that for lunch and keep everything else light. Should be ok.

We had a terrible rainy windy storm here on Long Island last night. The house actually creaked and shook a little in the wind. It was pretty fa-reaky! The power flickered off a few times, but never actually went out. Today there are branches all over the driveway from the empty wooded lot next door. I was worried that I'd wake up this morning to a tree sitting in my living room. It was that windy. I'm surprised that local news isn't calling it a hurricane.

I'm on my last day of my 5th week straight of running. Of course, I'm only running on my treadmill three days a week, but the C25K program recommends taking a day of rest in between runs. So I'm just doing what the internet tells me. Today's run is the toughest yet. 20 continuous minutes. I'm a little nervous, but also excited to 'conquer' it. The last interval was 8 min running, 5 min walking, then finished with another 8 min running. The program runs a total of 9 weeks, working up to 30 minutes straight running. Doesn't seem possible, but I know I will do it. It just seems so foreign. Me- a runner! Ha! Who'da thunk it?!

Spring has sprung...

At least inside the house. The first sprouts of our garden-to-be shot up this morning! It's the cherry tomatoes and the hot peppers. I love that feeling of seeing that little green shoot peeking out of the soil. It's like I'm a kid again. I'm all, "I made that happen!!!"

I have to make this post a shorty, due to the scientific paper on enzymes and variables affecting their activity that is due tomorrow for my bio class. Oy. All I have done so far is the intro. And I'm not happy with it, so I'll probably scrap it and write another one.

On the diet front, I'm down a few pounds. I've been eating mostly raw, I'd say approximately 75%, and having a vegetarian cooked dinner. I made some delicious pasta with broccoli and garlic and oil yesterday for dinner, and it was so simple and delish. Of course it was whole grain pasta:) Gotta keep it healthy! I grilled up some chicken boobies for the family and just tossed their portions with the meat. For today's menu, I have some gazpacho chilling in the fridge, I'll probably have some sort of fruit smoothie, and a salad with creamy cucumber dill dressing (from Jennifer Cornbleet's book, which I kinda reviewed earlier). Dinner will be......a surprise I guess!

Yummy foods

I had a delicious cantaloupe smoothie (just cantaloupe and water whirled in the blender) after my running today, and I just whipped up some raw borscht. Can't wait to dig in at lunch! Not sure what is for dinner yet, but I'm thinking a nice big salad of romaine, red pepper, and cucumber. I'll look through my books and find a new dressing. I'm burnt out a little on my lemon tahini for now. The weather is so sunny and nice here, I'm craving something fresh and light, maybe something citrusy or herby.
I've got the windows open here today. It's so nice and fresh in here now. Blowing away the winter doldrums. I'm planning a big spring cleaning project this year. We'll see how that goes:) I'm not the neatest person, but I think this year I would like to get organized and do a deep cleaning. I printed out how-to's and checklists for each room. I'm thinking one room a week starting next week. I'll start with the kitchen. That will be the hardest. The easiest should be the living room. Of course, we have ceiling fans that are filthy, so that's gonna be fun.

Slowly recuperating

Well, it seems that I had food poisoning instead of chicken-nugget-itis. We think we found the culprit: avocados. I was the only one eating them and the only one who got horribly ill. After the first time I felt sick, I washed my produce more carefully and even washed things that you don't eat the outer rind/peel of. This did not help. But I'm still spooked and learned a valuable lesson: wash everything very well! I will do the obligatory splash at the sink no more! No details need to be given other than I didn't get a wink of sleep and spend the night in the bathroom. I also discovered, well my family discovered, that I can be a raging bitch when I don't get food in me! I was a miserable wretch most of the next day. But I like to think I made it up to them:)

Project Garden 2010 is underway here. Mark, the fiance, went to Home Depot with the boys and picked out our seeds. We've got cherry tomatoes, regular tomatoes, peppers (sweet and hot), watermelon, cucumber, and various herbs. This year we are really hoping it takes off. Mark is also working on getting a compost pile going for us. We want to lessen our dependence on traditional produce, focusing on the CSA and our very own homegrown varieties! I started the seeds inside yesterday. With the coal stove blasting, the house is consistently 80 degrees, so I'm hoping that goes in their favor. I have them on a nice sunny sill and can't wait to see those little shoots pop up!

School goes well. I got a 95 on my first western civ exam, and a *drum roll*......96 on my bio exam! I was in shock. I guess I really do have an aptitude for the sciences. And gee, I suppose it will come in handy as a science teacher. Ya think?

Puking...or 'don't ever eat meat again'

I had a horrible night last night. I was feeling like eating something 'bad'. Now this could have meant anything.... I have given up so many things in recent months, it's amazing. Most of these foods do not make their way into my house anymore. Having young kids, I did have frozen chicken nuggets from our local warehouse club type store. I nuked them, shared them with my baby, and began feeling miserable shortly thereafter. By the time my fiance, Mark, came home from work, I was doubled up on the couch in the fetal position. I could not believe the lead weight in my stomach, and how hot and sweaty I felt. Shortly after he came home, I put myself out of my misery via a visit to the toilet bowl and a finger down the throat. Some ginger ale, then I felt better, but still not quite right....I didn't even sleep well. This morning I felt almost like a hangover from drinking too much. I am stunned. I am feeding this stuff to my children with very little thought. And now that I've cleaned up my diet, this same food that nourishes my kids has become very toxic to me. My fiance was very disturbed. He was like, "So now what? You can never eat meat again?" I don't think this is the answer, but I do think the form of meat matters. Some chopped-up machine molded hunk of animal flesh is not going to do me or my family any favors. Needless to say, the nuggets will not be on next month's shopping list.....